i had breakfast this morning with the reverend mistress hummingbird, who told me that the evolutionary period between cat and human probably didn’t look that good, or feel that good. she was saying this because she is moving from ‘human’ consciousness a little higher, and i wonder with all these weird dreams if i am not battling with some lesser divinity myself. i envision a little pint-sized orange fairy with a fat booty and an attitude constantly sucking its teeth at me like, girl you know better.
still, R.M.H. says that divinity – higher and higher, is what we’re all evolving towards, and that every soul will get there – we have eternity. i thought that was lovely, and needed to hear it, cause some days i feel like it will take eternity for me to figure out how to connect my intentions with my actions.
i think that sometimes when skipping along in the realm of the possible a mirror pops up and catches you off guard. you throw rocks at the image but they skip the surface and flow through. you hear that love is unconditional and you don’t believe that so you fling yourself at it and away. your own little madness is wild in you, no one is to blame. having said no like a mantra it trips my spirit up to need/have a moment of yes. i realize that everyone has been going through their hard times, and i feel like they suffer in drops and i stand by and catch the drops in cupped hands and now my hands are overflowing with sorrow, though my own sorrow is the tipping element.
oh nevermind me. its the middle of the night again. the heat broke and mercury is in retrograde.
i’m being dramatic, i just have to make grown decisions. like my friend jen says, when you feel you have no agency, you become vulnerable. walk your power (she is quoting this, possibly from an iyanla like character swathed in brooklyn orange and the scent of sandaltchouli.
vague enough for you? plus i still haven’t closed the parenthetical statment off and the closing curve has lost all meaning. but here’s a brilliant piece from one of my favorite stories of all time:
I give myself Very Good Advice
But I very seldom follow it.
That explains the trouble that
I’m always in.
Be patient is very good advice,
but the waiting makes me curious.
And I’d love the change,
should something strange begin.
Well, I went along my merry way,
and I never stopped to reason.
I should have known there’d be a price to pay, some day.
I give myself very good advice,
but I very seldom follow it.
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?
i am eating mushrooms and running through a valley of grins. and today i was asked to write a book with a new urban vision, the city politic, the human to come. i see it, but its wearing no clothes, and i can’t help but laugh.