boo. hiss. and bad game.

this starts off as an overtly political post, which i try not to do too often but today these folks just makin me mad!

bush has announced his nominee for the supreme court, conservative judge john g roberts. here’s a sentence from the ny times that makes me feel like a duped idealist:

"His résumé suggests that Judge Roberts will not commit himself to recapturing a distant constitutional paradise."

the american dream has been relagated from a goal to paradise! guess its in heaven too. perhaps i am willfully misunderstanding the quote to conclude that roberts will stick with modern interpretations of the law, no matter how far right they are, rather than intention of the white male framers (who, in a twist no cherokee or ghanain at the time would believe, would be considered radical leftists in today’s political environment). i guess the constitution just isn’t even where its at anymore?

in other news, the house is considering extending the right of african americans to vote for 25 more years after 2007. sometimes i get so tired of white answers to black questions. at what point in the future will you need to revoke the right of african americans to vote – you already got us between Disenfranchisement and the Democrats. i can’t wait for the day we stop settling, no matter how many lives i gotta get thru to see it.

on a happier note, i got to stare at someone beautiful through dinner and drinks last night. i love dates. everyone, ask someone on a date and make it fabulous!

but wait did i tell you about the crazy man, we’ll call him L-Crazee, from the other night? he seemed harmless enough, beautiful like evans or shane or denzel as malcolm – or malcolm. met him in front of my bodega and he delayed me for an hour during which he said all of the following:

– do you believe in love at first sight?
– i have been around the block and am looking to settle down
– don’t go
– can i call you when i get home?
– can we have breakfast in the morning?
– can i buy you ice cream and then massage your feet?
– you are beautiful. i can just see our kids. (!!!!)
– i love toys, electronics. love them. obsessed. can’t get enough. i love them all.
– i’m trying to make money, ya heard?
– you can come watch cable at my house.
– i can tell this is going to be nice if you don’t misbehave.
– misbehaving would be if i went 2-3 days and didn’t hear from you.
– one more hug?
– you really leaving?
– fine then.

in the midst of which i generally said:

– why you think you want to talk to me?
– you’re beautiful too.
– i need to go home now.
– shit, you might be crazy. i can’t believe i just gave you my number (inside-mind voice)
– i’m leaving now 🙂

i did somehow give him a hug and a kiss – he shocked me with that film star level beauty, looked like he stepped off some runway to blast me with his white tooth smile and bald black head. however!!! enough beautiful crazy for me. he talked his way right out of the "pretty likely" VIP room and into the "never gonna get it" asylum in my mind, which is already hella crowded.

i mostly brought him up as a lesson to the would be mack-lovahs out there. there are so many things to NOT say when first meeting someone, and he managed to say roughly all of them.

have a great day!

DAMN

i just wrote a whole dope blog and it disappeared.

now i am too pissed to write it all up again. it was all about my new love, my boy toy, my old man, my new girl to break in, my heartbreaker and i talking, and how its a good summer. FORGET IT. here are some announcements:

big up jeff chang baby!!

Just got the news: Can't Stop Won't Stop has won a 2005 American Book Award! 

It's not even sundown yet and we've already begun popping champagne and sushi around
here. Thank you all for your support. It's greatly appreciated.

For some background info on the Award and previous winners, click onto the blog:

www.cantstopwontstop.com/blog

in honor of sofia ‘mo mo yayo’ santana

WEDNESDAY JULY 20

S.O.B.s Latin Alternative Concerts
presents

COLOMBIAN INDEPENDENCE DAY PARTY!!

FOLKLORE URBANO

Doors: 7 PM
Shows:8 PM / 10 PM

Admission:
$10 w/ Flyer, $15 Day Of

Folklore
Urbano
features the original music and arrangements
of NYC composer/arranger/pianist Pablo Mayor. In his music, the seductive
Colombian rhythms of his native country entwine with sophisticated jazz
harmonies and form, inciting both dance and intrigue. The sound is fresh; New
York City-based Folklore Urbano features a stellar jazz horn section comprised
of soprano/alto saxophone, euphonium, baritone saxophone, and flute, a jazz
rhythm section (drumset, bass, and piano), Colombian folkloric drums/
percussion (tambora, alegre, maracas), and most recently, trumpet and vocals.

Folklore Urbano
forges new territory by presenting the improvisatory elements of jazz while
retaining the rhythm and flavor of a Colombian tradition that is mostly unknown
today. The group’s CD, Aviso, has been broadcast throughout South
  America, Italy, Portugal, Spain, Puerto Rico, Miami, and New York.
www.folkloreurbano.com

Target is selling Seventh Generation products – go buy them there an encourage this large scale corporate support of earth friendly products – this is the only way they are going to get to the masses on the cheap and mo’ affordable tip!

Nesxt Tuesday my rockstar friend Arie’s band is doing a show – they make you feel good!

Hey Everybody!  Hope that the summer heat is treating
you well.  Come spend an evening getting down with
4DSEA !

Tuesday July 26th
8pm
Pussycat Lounge (the name says it all)
96 Rector Street at Greenwich
$6

21 and up

i am still super upset about the disappeared beautiful poetic perfect blog.

blech!

🙂 off to a date!

8 hrs on an eastbound plane

i’m beginning to think i am jinxed. everytime i’ve been in the midwest in the past year i have gotten stuck there – delayed, sometimes overnight. this time it was merely a delay BUT they got us on the plane before deciding we’d have to wait. thank god for chili’s margaritas and buffalo wings! and brookstone massage chairs.

on the plane i met this fabulous ny original named christos who kept me thoroughly entertained with unpretentious stories that exposed his proper knowledge of music, shoes, politics and all else. hurray for half-greeks.

gideon yago was on the plane –  but you know when you could do a polite catch-up or just look back at your magazine?

plus i was still reeling from my last 24 hrs. i had a great strategy session with the columbus league group, then drove back to the nati and met up with dani and local poet idrissa and we all headed over to the greenwich – WONDERFUL spot where the bartender will make you something magical if you say you drink whiskey and want the best thing he can make. mad folks came over and we watched the fight – bernard hopkins losing his title to bad ass jermaine taylor. i LOVE boxing!!!

then we – including this HOT PIMP mennonite named Sam – retired to gavin leonard’s hot tub (gavin is the primary administrator/$raiser for this amazing youth program in cincinatti – elementz – if you’re ever through there GO CHECK IT) where kofi provided mind expansion and kathy y wilson, my nati love, gave me cause to leave the hot bubbly. hot tubbing in cincinnati is not like hot tubbing in canada. we had to wear clothes. BOOOO. some unnamed person did slip out of his clothes though. OOPS! somehow its scandalous that way, it’d be so much easier if we started off bare…

this morning we made a fast dash to tuckers for the best breakfast potatoes outside of my uncle wimp’s house…the dude hooks them up with cheese, mushrooms, scallions, tomatoes, they taste like heaven. everything he makes tastes perfect. ah nati, so many reasons to come back.

theme lyrics for the weekend, dedicated to the NATI:

Much more is what we got in store

Just believe me

  "And what we have is much more than they can see"

Much more than they can see

is how it’ll always be, believe me (gotta believe)

  "And what we have is much more than they can see"

– De La Soul, the Grind Date

toni and dani and kathy, oh my!

today i am in ohio. i started in the nati with dani mcclain, my cosmic soul sister. her good friend kathy y. wilson is my interior design soulmate. she writes an article for city beat out here, and has a book out y’all all need to get called ‘your negro tour guide’ which is F-ING on point. everything in her house is deep and brilliant and unique and complete. if for no other reason than how she hooks up her house, we should get married tomorrow! plus there are other reasons, i heart ky wilson! she’s out of my league, but…oh behave.

that said, dani’s mother – the lovely andrea – welcomed me to the nati with dinner at tinks and then the opera. its toni morrison society weekend, including the launch of the opera version of the margaret garner story. margaret’s story was fictionalized in beloved – she killed her babies rather than see them grow up as slaves. dani and i walked passed toni morrison on the way into the theater, and she smiled at us the way someone whose mind is incomprehensible and irresisitable smiles at young kindreds.GEEK OUT! toni is super adorable for a genius, all short and smiles.

tomorrow i am doing a strategy session with columbus league group. i love being in the field, and all travel – let’s go on a trip babies, just ask me anywhere…

one line from the opera – i would have made it a miracle, the pace of an opera is a little slower…but here’s one line, stanza, i loved that stayed in my brain:

when sorrow is deep
the secret soul keeps
its weapon of choice
the love of all loves

try singing it to really feel its impact…

check this dude: www.listentoyoureyes.com – he left his card for me at the baths the last time i went. i thought it was a mistake but they insisted no, he wanted you to have it. he’s a voyeur. i think he wants to photograph me. i feel i should tell him i am not photogenic! but part of me is like how about this angle?

what does one do if they like but are allergic to cats???

mom! i know you are reading my blog. i can’t decide if that makes you the coolest mom ever or what! i definitely feel like you cannot use anything found in this blog against me, ok? 🙂 i drink, i puff – but never nicotine! and i take lovely lovers. i have integrity about all of it, trust me, i still think you raised me right…so…enjoy!

what else, what else…oh. new boy toy! yay! happy summer, self! you are doing great and it looks good on you 🙂

healing

had a beautiful dinner tonight with a close friend and i was reminded of healing. that in the midst of my life right now under it all i’m healing. i went through the upheaval a few years ago, this heartbreak of late is only possible because i fell for me a while ago…this friend of mine is in the throes of it. perhaps my heartbreaker is in the throes of it – i can’t know right now…but i am watching my close circle who were all sort of simultaneously in many ways disappointed recently – all of us starting to pick up the pieces. or – perhaps its letting go of the pieces. healing is going into the wound, finding every little piece of the splinter or the bullet or the shrapnel in you and extracting it, looking at it – this beautiful weapon that you thought would take your life but you’re still here. this lovely pain you knew you couldn’t survive but you breathed in and now you can sigh over it but you made it through. and you maybe wash it off, that waste, that leftover…but then you got to throw it off a bridge, into the river, into the dark. remember it, then let it go. and the person who hurt you – you can forgive them…you can let them go. you can realize its all pain, its all fear, its all healing and that’s the way the world is, sometimes you catcht the raw end of someone else’s process. but they are on the other side of the glass, as i told a friend today, that person who hurt you is just there, pressed up against it, watching you love them, watching you writhe with the pain of it. they would do better by you if they could, you know. you have to forgive them for not being capable, and forgive yourself for forgetting to love yourself enough to protect yourself from that half-hearted passion. but once you get there, once you see it, you get that next level sight. you get to see what could be next. its always better. its always gonna learn you good. its love unfolding, you can’t be stagnant and you can’t hide from it, if you choose to live, you gotta actually do it and do it the best you fuckin can. and then better. i’m off for the weekend. love yourselves darlings…

how love looks

this post is dedicated to my youngest sister in every way. i suspect my middle sister has also met the one but they are saying they are friends and who am i to say? but this is the blog of the baby sister and her boyfriend sam and the chapel they just discovered while paddling a lake in minnesota with my mom while she was visiting, which they decided they will get married in. here are the pictures of how love looks:

AutumnandthechapelSam_paddlesAutumnandsaminchapel_1

i even woke up today and realized that in all the fun last night i lost my phone, but then sofia the wise had the bright idea to call apt and they have it and she’s gonna bring it to me. this relates to my sister cause we have a phone date!!

people, wondering if you’re in love? check above – do you glow like that? if not, keep on lookin!

return of the muse

"just cause we all hookin up with women, just means that sometimes women
are hot and you have to lay them down and play house" - me, in response
to someone asking if everyone i went to school with is now gay. no, darlings
the world is just getting better.

come to brooklyn, i think we might be in the midst of the ft green renaissance!
yes, brooklyn is babylon too but we are surviving really well here. perhaps because
there's a difference between the people who make a living looking hot and those
of us who make a living and happen to be hot sometimes.

tonight i saw the number one crush. he is so smart that talking to him
is like a hooping session - i have to remember to swivel my brain and still
smile. all i know of him is that he's sometimes at parties i am at and he's
lovely and intelligent. i am always quite glad he exists.

but it was the night of crushes, all of mine came out to rude tonight -
www.rudemovements.net - it was on, such a nice kind of scene

saw an old lover and kissed him between two vans near the piers. he's
reliably sexy and unavailable, perfectly trystable. saw a crushee - i am now
officially her muse! and she's hot. and then my other crush, who swears she
doesn't play with girls. sigh. whose playing? however both bought me drinks.
special night for a special girl!

also notable: chelsea's hipbones yummy yummy, dustin and his camera and the woman
he's either marrying or married is a gorgeous amazing dancer, saw ben who was radiating
the positive life force, adam and his wife, and adeola, and ese from afar!

plus i started the night with my 4 year old boyfriend jalen, turns 5 on monday,
who is so fabolous you should be shamed to be around him and not play. our
swordfights are legendary!

also met with the follow up folks from the tv show, looks highly likely that
we can go monthly with it!

another thought - i am almost at peace with the random ants in the house, they
find what i lose, and if its clean they disappear - almost like cinderella! EXCEPT
when they get bold, and have delusions of grandeur that i am a lost morsel.
eating me? come now!

cocococococo or xoxoxoxoxxoo

looking downwards

this morning i had breakfast at my favorite spot – green apple cafe on dekalb, with queen piper anderson, who is heading up the blackout arts collective these days. what a dope woman y’all. their lyrics on lockdown tour starts next week – check the calendar on their site to see if its comin your way and DO go check them: www.blackoutartscollective.com!

when i got home i was sitting here looking down at my chest, which i have been doing a lot since my mom took me bra shopping last week. i was thinking that my breasts looks pretty awesome except that the left one seems to be larger than the right. no matter what i did, this was the case. finally i ended up topless in the mirror arms above my head realizing that my dedication to the movement has internalized such that the left has a significantly larger home even in my mammaries!!

citizen cope flashback! whew. breathe in wax off.
then – www.raylamontagne.com – another overheard in a restaurant new love of mine. go listen to him.

tomorrow night is rude movements at apt – the tall light and handsome tyler spinning. i’m going…are you?

in other good news – it appears i have negotiated my way back into my apt with mad improvements for a rent raise. never give up, never surrender, particularly when it comes to ny real estate.

my horoscope said to tell that special someone how you feel, so i told my new gay boyfriend shane that he is the shit in a gucci bag.

here are some poems sent to me from my canadian sister claire:

And now we will count to
  twelve

 

and we will all keep still
…

 

 

 

For once on the face of the
  earth

 

let’s not speak in any
  language,

 

let’s stop for one second,

 

and not move our arms so
  much.

 

 

 

It would be an exotic
moment

 

without rush, without engines,
 

 

we would all be together

 

in a sudden strangeness.

 

 

 

Fishermen in the cold sea

 

would not harm whales

 

and the man gathering salt

 

would look at his hurt
  hands.

 

 

 

Those who prepare green
  wars,

 

wars with gas, wars with
  fire,

 

victory with no survivors,

 

would put on clean clothes

 

and walk about with their
  brothers

 

in the shade, doing
nothing.

 

 

 

What I want should not be
  confused

 

with total inactivity.

 

(Life is what it is about,

 

I want no truck with death.)

 

 

 

If we were not so
  singleminded

 

about keeping our lives
  moving,

 

and for once could do
  nothing,

 

perhaps a huge silence

 

might interrupt this
sadness

 

of never understanding
  ourselves

 

and of threatening ourselves
  with death.

 

 

 

Perhaps the earth can teach
  us

 

as when everything seems
  dead

 

and later proves to be
  alive.

 

 

 

Now I’ll count up to
twelve,

 

and you keep quiet and I will
  go.

 

 

 

 – Pablo Neruda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You do not have to be good.

 

you do not have to walk on your
  knees

 

for a hundred miles through the
  desert, repenting.

 

You only have to let the soft
  animal of your body

 

love what it loves.

 

Tell me about despair, yours,
  and I will tell you mine.

 

Meanwhile the world goes
on.

 

Meanwhile the sun and the clear
  pebbles of the rain

 

are moving across the
  landscapes,

 

over the praries and the deep
  trees,

 

the mountains and the
  rivers.

 

Meanwhile the wild geese, high
  in the clean blue air,

 

are heading home again.

 

Whoever you are, no matter how
  lonely,

 

the world offers itself to your
  imagination,

 

calls to you like the wild
  geese, harsh and exciting –

 

over and over announcing your
  place

 

in the family of things.

 

 

 

– Mary Oliver

definitely coping at havana outpost

today i went with sofia y shane y jen y hector y the bergster to the citizen cope show at central park. the opening band…the royal wylds, they were tight. the sun was on blast and the crowd was soaking it in.i thought i wasn’t gonna last in the sun, but i forgot all that.

clarence greenwood, aka citizen cope, was breathtaking.

i first heard him in barnes and noble about a year ago while using a gift certificate from my mama. i asked the store folks who dis? they said it was a song called sideways by a man named citizen cope – i came home and looked him up. on www.citizencope.com you can hear the whole song sideways. he’s got the spirit of a white bob marley as completely insane as that sounds.

i was caught up – later sofia found a free copy of his album she’d copped and hadn’t even realized what she had. gold and dirt, that’s cope. i love the whole album – it can get you thru days. his concert was great, plus he surprisingly has eyes the shade of melted butter, which is how you feel when he looks at you. he sang all the songs i needed to hear, PLUS ‘is this love’ 🙂

now he’s engaged i hear, so i kept my groupieness respectful. well i kind of always do cause in general i actually don’t like meeting ‘famous people’ and the whole fan dynamic stuff. but imagine my blessed surprise when he strolled up to havana cafe tonight. the owner saw me geek out and said, he comes here all the time. i said hi to him after much nervous belly action. jen was supposed to bring him over but she was too busy makin nice with a fly havana employee.

i got up my courage and let the words tumble out – ‘i was at your show today and we all were and we think you’re awesome and you’re awesome you know and i heard you in a store and i had to buy it and then i am a singer and you have inspired me and stuff.’ he was able to slip in ‘yeah you were in the front row – wow. thanks. wow. thanks. wow. thanks.’ we exchanged names and a handshake. i am completely happy and recommited to learning the guitar this summer!

mos def was also there. and shawanna i think her name is – gorgeous gorgeous singer who performed with me a few years back at the nina tribute sofia and forrest and i put on. overall, a lovely day outside in ny.

now i am in the midst of my annual watching of malcolm x. have you ever looked up black in the dictionary? holla.

do drink and post

hello friends, family, beloveds, et cetera

i am – yes fully awake at 3:30. A.M. i was asleep in the arms of the lovely shane at sofia’s house and hector wsa there and jen and ling-lang (one of whom hit the motherload last night, which means somewhere an angel got her wings!), but i woke with a start and said no couch for you queen! time to stumble home. thanks to the elegant sofia i saw a fabulous show tonight called Cat House – HBO never fails to make me soooooo happy. its about a bordelo school!!! pleasure activists!!

and today we did the pilot show of word, this youth debate show for free speech tv – and the crew was amazing, especially the young promise, and derrick, and abraham, and the marvelous nell guiser, and all of them. and i got to work with keisha green from blackout arts collective who is the loveliest star in the constellation de brooknam! the show i must admit, was dope! hot ladies and even the socialist was appealing and succinct {xoxo lucas!}, got mad viewpoints, we made social security interesting! so hope you all get to see it air, or the dvd which will have all the performances and bloopers and resources.

and i’m watching season 1 of in living color thanks to my homey kevlar, who works at moviefone and as a result is hooked up with enough dvds to run a legitimate kevflix borrowing system. mo money mo money mo money. two snaps in a circle. black world! and i think damon wayans is a genius and i want my next lova-lova to be homey the clown slash a man on film who can make 8 rooms from a cardboard box.

and…what else – got two lovely emails tonight. one thanking me for handling a post raunchy evening gracefully – it was good for me too babies – and the other a blast from the past. life is good and tomorrow citizen cope – who has been knockin me sideways and helpin me find my way home for months – is at summerstage in the park.

AND my sister april ran 8 miles today!!!

oh, AND my cousin fell down in a bad way and she’s hurting but she’s gonna be ok, but the blessing is that if it had been a half inch in either direction that she’d landed (on the shoulders in a game of pool chicken, landed half on the ground, half in a pool, knocked herself out on the pool wall and fractured a lower vertebrae) she’d be paralyzed. thank you, thank you, all praise due, and thank you.

so tonight i am basking in the whiskey tinted joy of post pilot, pro sister, half-inch miracles. the grateful post ‘flesh that came from and will return to dirt’ madness. post debates that remind you we have no answers only beautiful questions and facts that could be popsicles in 100 years. remembering through my man crazy dave sherman the prophet’s words on love. remembering how good bedtime can feel after a good day.

keep an eye on www.freespeech.org for the show. and um…kisses!