friends, i have officially ‘Done Something To My Knee’. yes…i don’t know where i DSTMKed, but i woke up this morning and its all tight behind my right knee. i decided, with this problem, to throw on some work-out clothes and walk across the manhattan bridge and up the east side to veselka (goat cheese and arugula peirogis!) for my morning meeting. i thought if i walked it would loosen up, and it did, but then i sat down and when i stood back up it was tight again. so tight i had to limp. i can’t do my check on me dance! dr, dr – any drs in the room?

also a heart dr would be good – how nearly impossible is to be treated spectacularly by someone who broke your heart and not start dreaming about them again? my daytime thoughts are purely rational – don’t take it too seriously, this comeback isn’t about you, he hurt you for too long to get back in the sweet spot with a smile – but my dreams? NO COMMON SENSE!!

brief convo between day amb and night self:

day amb: get yourself together!
night self: fuck you this is nice!
day amb: you are a sucker and a fool, you are a silly ho, look at all these super cuties kicking ill game at you!
night self: if you called wendy williams right now she would put on the sound of crickets! if you could see me inside your head you would see you are talking to my hand!
day amb: i refuse to let our brain engage in any dreamy hollywood fantasies.
night self: him harry, me sally!
day amb: this conversation is over honey. this thought process is done!
night self:  honey? don’t be condescending with me! any way, this whole night realm is one you have NO control over. bitch gotta sleep! c ya when i c ya!

sigh.

so here’s a thought i’ve been having. i often think of how much i love ft green because of the prominence of food with goat cheese in it. i heart goat cheese – its soft, its a calm food…just marvelous. my block is a combo of section 8 housing, packed folks in little brownstones segmented up for students, artists and non-profit folks who cyant pay mucha more, and a few new lofts that go at ONE MILLION DOLLARS. but i realized that my goat cheese fetish is serviced only by the capitalistic parasites of gentrification. a perfect moment of gentrification. how f’d up.

and the reason this came to mind is because just yestiday i was sittin on mah stoop with asif the great filmmaker when marianna and her sister came walking by (marianna who i met years ago at a harm reduction conference but have spent years denying i knew to a mutual friend because i didn’t connect that it was the same marianna…silly me) and we were talking about how amazing the weather was, like 60 degrees…but that warmth is only a by-product of a planet gone abused. too deep! back up off it!

ooh i can tell i have been org’d. i just went to offer someone some vitamin c and what came out was ‘want some c3?’  org’d is my new phrase to deal with being non-profited to death. that can mean a variety of things – losing faith, being overprocessed, being over structured, languaged, being all integrity’d out and stuff. you forget that c3 doesn’t really translate to anything that can be explained in less than 4 complex federal govt’ish sentences. my response to being org’d? to bury myself for the evening in a little futuristic fantasy..stargate here i come!