amazed and amused

some things that never fail to amuse me:

1. me!

yesterday i went to the russian baths and in a freak accident this other chick broke the glass container holding my favorite sea jelly from carol’s daughter – which, to be honest, is the only thing from there i like. (cd is a block away from my ft geene studio, so i go in there and then feel everything is too expensive and smells kind of similar. the anita baker of personal care products, you know? is it anti-black to even utter these words? am i uttering them by writing them? but i love the awesome sea jelly, which feels like perfumed vaseline! mmmm!) so it breaks and me being me, i am going to try to use the rest of the jelly. i put a lot in my hair, and later rubbed it, glass and all, into my skin. on the walk home i had to repeatedly reach down into my pants to pull a sliver of glass out of my thigh or buttocks. HOT!

today, the jelly is still in my hair after two washes. here’s a limited edition pic of me with jellyhead and a clay mask on (top 10 reasons working from home is awesome: i. can. wear. a. clay. mask. and. nothing. else. atall!)

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2. the power of capitalism. there is now an ad in my blog (see below). i can’t figure out how to get it out without paying some money to friendster, which defeats the whole purpose of me starting my blog on here, which was to have it be free and thus indicate that i am not invested in my self-absorption. also, if you pay then there are stats and you have to see how few people are actually reading. ugh! the conundrums!

some things that never fail to amaze me:

1. my landlord! today she wants to look at the chimney and may need to see my ‘fireplace’. my fireplace is a tender place that is bricked up and covered with a precarious gate that falls into four pieces when touched the wrong way (much like me!), all tucked behind a plethora of books and my gorgeous coffee table and pillows (also much like me!). when i got the message i glared, thinking of the work i was going to have to do to let them see this dead fireplace. now i am sitting here glaring through the door as the landlady and chimney sweep systematically go thru the other apartments. more passive than aggressive, i do not plan to comply with this unnecessary viewing.

2. the connection between how productive i am and how many orgasms i have in a day. if it was quantified i think it would be a one to one ratio. i think i have struck upon something! (top two reasons working from home is often: unlimited. breaks.)

some other things i just want to draw your attention to:

www.thebreastcancersite.com, thehungersite.com – i just love going and clicking those…

Lake Champlain chocolate – Raspberry Truffles! Might be the best tasting thing ever.

and then – do you ever get the sense the news you are watching is bullshit? IT IS – check it:

Read the report here:
http://www.prwatch.org/fakenews/execsummary

And then tell the Federal Communications Commission that fake news must stop, by clicking here:
http://action.freepress.net/campaign/fakenews

 that's all today sweeties...

y'all BETTER be at bryant and anna's book release tonight, 6:30, Coliseum Books.

lambs on ice

it snowed today, and then it was all – balmy. march had no real lion moments that i recall, wen out like a punk, and now april is all lamblike but…we might have to put the environment on meds. this AIN’T RIGHT!!

today i went to the baths and then to therapy – then i had to take a nap. today ny looked a bit grimy and gray to me, a bit overwhelming. i can’t stop smiling in life right now, but ny sometimes acts like it might sully your shine. i am happy that summer is coming.

i am looking around my house mentally preparing for the spring/summer cleaning that is coming. i want to get rid of things right now. books that i liked and will never read again, knick knacks i only partially like, collages i made when i was a little depressed. hats that are only cute in theory. postcards of places that no longer conjure calm for me, just remind me i am long overdue for a real vacation.

the only things i have i want to keep all of are musical instruments, my cds, my extensive collection of sex toys, my collection of soaps and delightfully smelly things, and some of my clothes. oh and my rainbow collection of jersey sheets. they just feel better.

anyway – i just put half my shoes in a bag, and next is going to bags of other stuff that i can give to goodwill. i highly encourage anyone and everyone to do this 4 times a year. it makes whatever is in your home much more manageable.

annimout! make sure to check and recommend folks to the league blog – www.indyvoter.org/blog – and comment, trying to bring it to life!

form is immaculate

le horror!

that’s all i could think today as my personal trainer did the measuring thing – it was the time for the measuring. he measured me. i have been measured. the thing about measuring that makes it even more excruciating is that they wrap the tape around a part of you, and you send shrinking vibes to that part, then they adjust to find the widest point of whatever part they are measuring. amazing. THAT is the shit that will have you eating fish and naked salads instead of oreos for lunch!

now because david is the Best Personal Trainer Ever, he then told me that my form on the leglifts was ‘immaculate’ and that i had the ‘best motor skills’ of any of his clients. he had another client wrapping up as i started and she kept quitting at stuff. then he would be like – watch, see how adrienne pops her hips off the ground? like that.

ahem, besting someone at hip-pops? i’ll take a little more of that sir! i even overpopped one of my hip flexors which i thought you could only do while…thinking…really fast and hard. later i had to grimace through the hip stretches. pain becomes a point of pride! honestly, i do a pout-lipped grimace which probably looks hella sour, but part of the whole dynamic with David is he can see the fierce inner moi.

oh the pain.
but was it worth a Superior Physical Moment?
YES!!

I don’t know if y’all know this but…other than cheerleading, I was always on JV or second string – in volleyball, basketball, soccer. i just wasn’t real competitve, but i think largely because i was already kinda screwed in the head about my body by then and didn’t want anyone looking at me, so i couldn’t really abandon myself to a sport where things might be exposed, or jiggling/bouncing/moving. which is deep cause i look back at pics of then and i looked fabulous! but anyway, physical insecurity was set early.

now i do squats in front of a mirror and think of my ass as an objective thing to lift and tighten.  watch out now! my goal: brick house with actual bricks in the trunk.

speaking of which: http://www.theultimatefatlossguide.com/index.html

my friend hipped me to this logical thing to help health and i say, go for it!

in other news, i am in talks with all the people, the white people. who love the whole ‘whiteous’ thing. they want to start a site. possible names: www.whiteous.com. www.ithinkimightbewhiteous.com. www.whiteoussupportcircles.com. its really a fun and love-filled project. i think i have coined a term…let me check wikipedia!

woah! i just took a harmonica break.

yup. that kind of harmonica.

so i am also now ON myspace. i have been on there for a while with no passion, but jessamyn convinced me to really commit to trying it and…its so fun! its like the early days of friendster! when you’re just finding people! i am finding all the same people i have on friendster but…still. its a fun distraction.

i started reading fledgling today – octavia’s last book. problem: it’s about vampires. reading about any blood suckage makes my stomach turn. still, its here last book and i must thus read it. FUCK!

to relax relate release the nausea, my girl leah sent me yoga passes. thanks darling leah!! leah is this stunning redhead doing yoga in the far north of california. i am going to fire yoga tomorrow. its ALL conNECted!

oh, bryant is going to be here for his and anna’s book release party thursday – let me know if you want to roll wit me. or lean wit me. or rock wit me. they are about to shift the whole food movement!

also – i am enjoying the option to buy single songs on i-tunes. what is your favorite favorite song you think i should download?

that’s all for tonight…next post: intellectual crushes and should you ever actually have a drink with them or keep them in the boys-with-perfect-brains box?

home again

took the redeye from oakland last night. i am not so secretly falling for cali, it appears resistance is futile…

but my plane ride was slightly annoying cause there was this Crotchety Jerk Asshole next to me with bad breath.

you know how you have to share armrests with people? but if one of the people is an old CJA then you can end up in elbow wars? that is exactly what happened last night.

i was in the middle seat, gorging on the ‘flavor of the month: after the loving’ and ‘the gauntlet ii’ reunion specials on my jetblue personal tv, but every time i put my arm on the the armrest, within a few minutes i would feel him trying to push my elbow off. sometimes he succeeded, giving me that little bounce balance moment which is always awkward, even if no one sees.

i gave him disapproving looks, but he didn’t look up from his New York Times. the next time he elbowed me, i emitted loud sighs to no avail.

then, the seatbelt sign came on right as the woman in the window seat realized she had to go bafwoom. i tapped CJA indicating we need to let her out and he leans his onion dragon breath over me to say: ‘the seatbelt sign is on.’

window woman got a look of extreme sarcasm right around her left nostril: ‘are you telling me you aren’t going to let me go to the bathroom?’

inner child adrienne: ‘mud fight! mud fight!’

instead, a burst of passive aggression took over everything and the woman squeezed out over us with lots of sighs going in every direction. then…THEN CJA DUDE followed her and went to the bathroom with the seatbelt sign on!!! hypocrite!

THEN he came BACK and commenced pushing my arm off the arm rest. now we were all seated and watching our tvs again, with him eating the Doritos snack pack as crunchily loud as possible and then sucking his fingers between bites! funky tongue medina. his remote control was in the shared  armrest, which was a small armrest, but its like take the front or the back and stop TRIPPING!!

so finally, about three hours into it, i said ‘stop pushing me!’

at which point he pulled way over on his side and was like ‘you are coming into my area every time you fall asleep!’

playing the victim, eh? i glanced over at window woman for some shared sarcastic nostrils with a little necksnapping eyebrow action too, then countered on factual grounds:

‘let the exhibit show that i haven’t fallen asleep yet once. what is happening here is that everywhere i put my arm you start pushing me and you need to stop it. which part of the arm rest do you want?’

‘none of it!’ his tone was roughly 7 year old boy saying ‘FINE!’ or ‘I Hate You Mommy!’, and i realized that most likely he had that going on inside of him. empathy overwhelmed me, and tho i spent the last hour and a half or so with the whole armrest to myself while he cringed in a repressed ball in his chair, i left the remote control area clear. he was having none of it, and was thus stuck watching and listening to the map which shows how close you are to home.

lucky me got to come home to jennifer kidwell angelically sleeping in my bed. the guy i share a bathroom with apparently spent the last week without toilet paper, or bringing it in and out when he went numero unodos…we’ve had a little note exchanging around the state of the bathroom. once i cut my hair in there drunk and didn’t clean up RIGHT away and he slipped a note under my door. i replied that we should talk about a cleaning schedule and tp-buying, he never responded. i am considering a pre-emptive strike, maybe slipping the receipt for my last 4-roll charmin purchase under the door…

all this to ponder and more!

Whiteous

A new word? The white and righteous – whiteous…

I was talking today with a friend in New Orleans about the new demographics of the first black city, and she was like – its the white sometimes anarchist organizing well intentioned kids who were at WTO and RNC and white and many of them are privileged and all of them are moved to serve and its this really complicated thing. The most complicated part, we agreed, is the lack of self-reflection that often makes service seem intrusive. No one I have talked to there wants the kids to go away, everyone appreciates them, and yet there is a common feeling of deep knowledge of what the city was and what it is becoming and the economic and cultural factors that allow some to be there and others to be kept away. Then I had another New Orleans conversation around supporting displaced survivors – the clock is ticking on securing a commitment from displaced survivors that they will come home.

i also know a lot of people of color who have whiteous tendencies, but are perhaps paying more attention. and then what about people of color who earn their chops by exciting and legitimizing the whiteous? it’s easy to fall into, people who aren’t inside your circle gassing you up.

can we talk about these things though? when and where?

This week folks are in the N’awleans streets around voting rights.
Later this month there’s a white privilege conference in St. Louis
(www.whiteprivilegeconference.com). Where does this conversation start and stop?

I have recently become close with two women who are Arab but look white. with one i discussed the frustrations of other people’s assumption, which didn’t line up with her experience at all. with the other i discussed how she doesn’t like labels. i was raised for quite some time in a house where race was not one of the highlights for how we looked at the world, and then my parents chose to drop us into the lion’s den and make us learn. 

it’s made me reflect on this whole white thing: what does culture mean anyway, how much is choice, how much is assumption, how much is specific to class, how much you can shift culture in a lifetime…your internal culture, the culture of your generation. i’ve started to see in people very fast and deep transformations. can we expect a dot.com pace of expansion for self-reflection? 

future 5000 and some boobies!

hmm – i started postin and perhaps its gone. never mind…i will go again! unstoppable so please don’t try to…hee hee. remember how mariah carey rapped on her first album? i feel that undauntable today. the moon is hiding the sun but you still feel the light – if that isn’t the moment we’re then at least we know such rhythms of dark and light exist. a dear friend says its diurnal. i can’t argue with her…since that word is above and beyond my comprehension! like that chic from sopranos says – ‘my character uses all these SAT words!’

i’ve been running into everything (head into ski rack on car, back into bedside table, ankle into pavement, booty into everyone). i am too excited right now – just spent two days with manju, shaunna, ibrahim, and sam with the guidance of jessamyn delight – developing the future 5000 project. soooo exciting and inspirational and visionary. it’s nice to get in a room where everyone is free to think really hard and be a geek with some fearless cool on the side…and so soon,  with a little hope and extreme perserverance and faith, we’ll all be networked and anything will be possible. the team of people at the table is amazing, everyone is thinking above and beyond the current day, while still so present in this moment we’re in – what is your dream for how we build movement online? where are all the entry points into movement?

manju was coming off of non-stop persistent response to a racist sexual assault at Duke University (read more on this at www.feministing.com – scroll down for samhita’s post), where she helped pull together a response of action and message. it was deep to be around her and feel how that violence gets carried forth. it made me want to make sure we tighten our network and our ability to support activists involved in such efforts.

in general, it was two extremely intense days and i am sooo tired, all the creative input pouring out…whew. and since i landed in the bay its been non-stop go go go go meet dream think talk share remember explain go. i got to talk with amazing thinkers from www.colorofchange.org and www.wiretapmag.org and www.blocnetwork.org and CJNY and it was all just quite stimulating. tomorrow looks like a go go day too, and sunday i suspect will be like church, in that i may have cause to pray a lot. but tonight, i am letting the days pour out of me and sitting in the quiet, taking care of myself a bit. mud mask, no stress, no noise. lord of the rings? perfect friday night! funny how that can happen anywhere in the country if you need it enough. a room of one’s own…

now, as a backdrop to all this, i vaguely remember writing something really funny about my recent extended bout with constipation. i did a cleanse, then i was traveling and in response to sort of limited eating options and whatever, my body rebelled and so i then came up with all these names like bloatasaurus, backedupadactylus, and fullashitosaur, and so on. then i took ‘get regular’ tea and experienced the total freedom of full body commitment to an act of release! hallelujah!!! and…flush! 🙂

i’m warming up to california – although what i am clear on is the deceptive cold and wetness of this place. no insulation in the houses + a smile = the facade of a warm place. that’s an Illusion. this bay thing is cold as hell, i have been getting my bundled-up on.

i heard from someone yesterday who had rediscovered her lover, it was a beautiful story. i love to hear a woman put her foot down to be treated marvelously, and then i love when a partner goes above and beyond the challenge of showing love. i can’t remember the last time someone wouldn’t accept my walls and fought to love me in spite of it all, and i see romance everywhere, in everything. i can honestly say at this moment that no one stands a chance without some outrageous, surprising, mature magic game.

have y’all heard of fertility awareness?

and finally…today i’d like to pour some out for the leftover parts of shirts that are cut out to make v-necks. it’s all boobies all the time, i am getting really happily familiar with my cleavage. what fun! breasts are quite wonderful to play with if you notice them and i can basically get away with fondling them most of the time.

speaking of which…