high watching moana

i have a theory that to make children’s movies these days, those doing the animation/visuals just get high and draw. to test this theory i will, without urgency, occasionally watch kids movies while high. here are notes from a recent high watching of moana. on a plane. enjoy this research:

*two minutes into a movie called silence*

I hate this movie. unless it radically improves and people stop doing weird accents I’m not going to watch past five more minutes.

*two minutes later after peeping familiar ocean landscape on a neighbor’s screen*

Ooh they have Moana on here!

I feel like I never really tuned into the first couple minutes of grandma’s story. maui is basically a rapist. this movie is so deep.

they need to keep an eye on this child. thank goodness ocean is playing nice.

yes crazy grandma! I live to be that free.

I basically feel like on first dates I should say – I’m basically me what you see is what you get. but also, I am moana. I might leave at any moment to adventure in the open sea – she calls me!

“That voice inside you, that’s who you are.”

I wish my grandma had given me a quest instead of bitterness about her homophobia.

but even still, if my grandma told me to go in a dark cave and bang a drum I might not do that. why destiny always on the other side of terror?

how old is moana? when I’m thinking as her I’m like ‘you go girl!’…but if she was my nibblings’ age I would say ‘timeout forever!’

this screaming chicken part is funny.

I might have eaten this chicken. for sure. except I probably wouldn’t cause the idea of meat coming off bones turn my stomach. I should be a vegan. cheese. bacon.

damn I forgot how she asked for help and the ocean was like ‘ok fine but fuck you its gonna feel like mercury retrograde during Saturn returns’.

I love how she repeats herself like ennigo montoya in the princess bride. is that how it’s spelled? prepare to die! basically same thing here.

Maui with the titles! instantly charming us to forget his horrific past. demigod is the internal narrative of white/male/hetero supremacy.

did I mention I’ve been talking to my new tattoos? they are like this – stories to tell and guidance for me, a roll of the dice, perspectives to balance. they’re all patient, slow creatures. the turtle is like – making decisions takes time. the cow and the elephant are like…stand still. the octopus is like…you can never be stuck. they don’t move in my skin though, in case that needed clarifying.

Maui is basically killing her now, leaving her in that cave! what the f killer!

demigod is how humans act to the rest of the plant.

I never noticed he has a statue of himself in there!! Kanye de Flump.

a belly flop like that would be fatal, right?

every time I say ‘smote’ I second guess myself. I want to use it so much more.

I started this whole blog post to ask what accent her dad is speaking in. just remembered that.

who thought of these coconut pirates? so cute.

wait but is Maui running for president after Flump? do I have to think about that yet? no. no you don’t self. identifying viable candidates for president isn’t your skill set. plus you already have a list for when you need an imagination pick-me-up. pick-you-up?

just got distracted by the moon. so pretty and getting bigger by the second. I am bound to the moon, it moves me.

look how Maui critiques to avoid what he’s scared of, takes deft writing to show that common trait of bullies. and on the Lin-Manuel rhythm.

“Maui Maui Maui, you’re so amazing!” how many of you have manipulated egotistical people with a move like this?

wayfaring: seeing where you’re going by knowing where you’ve been. I really love this. claiming it!

ew he pees on her. hahaha. ew.

I would totally wait with the boat while Maui goes to the realm of monsters. I’m disappointed to know that about myself. cause moana is like 8 and she jumps right in.

it’s so air conditioned on this plane that their outfits look cold in the movie.

the ocean really is cookiedook. kookydook.

I also wouldn’t have jumped into the endless hole. took me 45 minutes once to jump 20 feet into perfect dreamy warm clear water. not jumping into bottomless pit from top of mountain. sowwy.

the realm of monsters is so cool to observe. from afar. if I was there I would have already opted out of my mission.

keep your hair shiny! fancy crab! more shade for self centered people. I would take it to heart but then I’d be self perpetuating.

“I was a drab little crab one” – where Ursula meets the Beatles.

when Maui can’t become a hawk, I point at the screen scream laughing. neighbor gives an appreciative nod.

the neon shell part is so trippy.

“its time to kick your hiney” is the only line my nibbling knows. and she delivers it!

ok my plane landed. this movie is perfect even though I didn’t reach the end.

ooh its still going. I just want to see when she faces tafiti and says “you know who you are”. aka the best transformative justice moment in film in years.

this movie really challenges my ageism. part of me is like: she never listens! the other part is like: she gets free.

excited to finish this with nibblings next week.

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