final letter to Ursula le Guin (sent the day after your departure)

first, a few excerpts from our correspondence, which will be published in the Ursula le Guin Science Fiction and Social Justice Reader this year.

1.
amb: How does imagination help our species survive?
 
UKL: It is through imagination that we think intelligently about what we’ve done, are doing, and should do.

2.
amb: did you ever spend time with Octavia?

UKL: We met only two or three times…She was an extraordinary person, both formidable and lovable.  I always felt she was larger than life, if you know what I mean.

3.
amb: Thanks for your life’s work!
 
UKL: You’re very welcome! I have enjoyed it very much.

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a relationship with a beloved writer can be a very selfish place. you are alone with them, building an understanding of the world through their eyes and some intimate pairing of imaginations – they paint the worlds but all of it happens inside you. i tried to write something more epic and universal, and i trust that will come. but first i wanted to write a letter to her that was about how she shaped me.

dear Ursula,

great teacher.

great spirit.

i’ve been crying since i got the news of your passing, and also feeling very alive.

i got to live at the same time as you.

and i get the honor of grieving you.

there are thoughts and ideas you wrote down that became beliefs for my whole life, marking posts on the journey of freeing myself.

there are questions you asked that changed the way i could think.

many of us don’t get to experience grandparents who can accept us whole. for me you were one of the adults who stepped into that yawning space, who joined the composite of my dream elder.

you let me know i may be in the wrong universe, but i am not wrong, i am not impossible.

you not only matched and fed my queer unorthodox mind, but pushed me further. on relationships and sex alone you had me consider: what about four-way marriage? what about gender as a responsive switchy sexual state that was otherwise nonexistent? what about instead of a period you just had a monthly sexual overdrive and a special place to go orgy for that time?

i am a lucky one – i got to tell you to your face that you were everything – and you were gracious about it.

i am still creating a project about your work. in researching it i became fascinated by you, your abundant correspondence, your art and poetry connected to the worlds you created, your fierce letters to local editors about tree removals, your loves and flirtations.

i still want to read everything. it feels impossible in the best way.

writers cast themselves out to the world with words, so that now you feel fully dispersed more than gone. you were so generous with your gifts. and you were rare – both prolific and genius. so many genius words!

the worlds you wrote increased my trust that white people could imagine something beyond their own supremacy. and that capitalism could be out imagined, like monarchy.

even when i did not seek you, you were there.

when i learned to meditate, you’d left me a framework.

when i fell in love with the Tao, i could turn to your translation.

when i wanted amazing fiction for all my nibblings, you had a series on flying cats.

when i needed to stand up for something, feeling alone in my dignity, you told me about the ones who walk away from a utopia dependent on someone else’s suffering.

when i lost hope in this world, you offered me a plethora of fully formed universes to learn from. you even gave me multiple options for moving between universes, both distant and parallel.

when some aspect of humanity felt beyond my comprehension or compassion, i found books you had written twenty years before that not only opened my heart, opened the possible in me, but generated desire for that specific difference.

when i wondered if imagination could be necessary for revolution and transformation, you said yes, you said our dreams and visions matter, they are the way we make oppression temporary.

88 years. i wanted more. you are that kind of human.

even as i sit in my grief for you, you guide me, you remind me that you are not absent, but complete.

“true journey is return.”

love
amb

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from the new yorker’s piece “the fantastic Ursula le Guin”

10 Responses to “final letter to Ursula le Guin (sent the day after your departure)”


  1. 1 azrael avey

    thank you for articulating this.

  2. 2 Ruth Martial

    Thank you for this. I too have been grieving since yesterday and also craving a more meaningful tribute than the stiff, uncomprehending one published in the new york times–one that spoke to the ways that we loved and continue to love her. Thank you for doing so, and so beautifully.

  3. 3 Nikesha

    Thank you for this. I am so thankful for this post. She has been exactly like this for me too. an elder, a friend, an inspiration. I have read her work as gospel for nearly 32 years. Thank you. I look forward to seeing what you make.

  4. 4 Jackie Larkin

    THANKS. I NEED TO CRY TOO. BEAUTIFUL KNOWING OF THIS PRECIOUS WOMAN.

  5. 5 mbeish

    This is precisely what I needed to read today. With gratitude – a grieving fan

  6. 6 Chitra

    I felt your loss. Looking forward to your work about her life and work. I have discovered her through your letter. And that is a win

  7. 7 Deborah A. Miranda

    Hi Adrienne – I’ve seen dozens of stories on FB from Indigenous, queer, Black, Latinx, immigrant, and young writers, sharing their memories of an experience with Ursula K. Le Guin. She was an incredible correspondent, too, answering emails, sending out hand-written notes, as well as writing blurbs or reviews for folks. She gave and gave because she was invested in the future of writing, and she knew it isn’t straight white men. I’d like to gather them together and 1) send them to her family, 2) write up something, perhaps for my blog, using some of these memories. Please send your memories of Ursula to me at deborah.a.miranda@gmail.com, along with your permission for me to quote, if you’d like to be part of this. <3 My love to you all. You know who you are.

  8. 8 Lisa McLeod

    Thanks so much for this; I have been really saddened by this loss, but your post is comforting.

  9. 9 Jarrett

    Thank you so much for this.

  10. 10 Adrienne

    yes you definitely have permission to use this, and I’ll email you as well. thank you!

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