in praise of my doctor!

Y’all, I just want to testify about the benefits of having a doctor who respects me, and who is not fat phobic!

I just came from another amazing appointment with my doctor and…I am the healthiest I’ve been as an adult. And it’s not because she’s done a ton of things to heal me, but because she has done so much to set me at ease about my existing health. When I came in a while ago, asking her if my arthritis was punishment from a vengeful god for years of being overweight, she laughed and said ‘no! who in your family has arthritis?’ I had to say, ‘my skinny ass dad. And my sister who runs marathons.’ She helped me understand that arthritis just runs in my family, and I should focus on reducing inflammation in my joints, and getting more active in my daily life. The whole team is up on game – I had an arthritis bonding moment with two (much smaller than me) staff members on her team. Afterwards I noticed that my ease was connected to the fact that neither of them assumed or even implied (as so many nurses and aids and X-Rayers and others have done over the years) that my weight was their business to discuss or diagnose.

I show up to her office with a list that shows my (also inherited) tendency towards hypochondria – every twitch and dis-ease that’s happened since my last visit. She listens to each thing and makes sure we have an action item, or that my concern is addressed (which often means telling me that my late night web MD-inspired health conclusion was, in fact, imprecise). She teases me only in relation to my own self-deprecation…but she takes each concern seriously.

She’s also a human being when it comes to sexuality, drugs, gender, healing – I can tell her what I’m actually practicing and feeling, how I’m moving through life. That way, I get the best wholistic guidance and treatment. She discourages unnecessary treatments and medication, and celebrates how healthy and happy I am in my daily life as a forty year old.

Get you a doctor who cares for you as you are and celebrates your miraculous body!

shrill be teaching




did anyone else recently receive a crucial piece of belated sex education in the instant classic Shrill?

specifically in the part where she uses the morning after pill (multiple times) and still gets pregnant and then finds out that the pill is only dosed for bodies that weigh up to 175 lbs?

that part?

did anyone else think back to getting pregnant after taking that pill? and having an ectopic pregnancy (like me) or an abortion (like the 11 people who responded to my initial instagram post about it) or becoming a parent when you were explicitly trying not to?

and did y’all then think back to buying the pill as someone clearly over 175 lbs and having no mention of this limitation from the pharmacist or on the package?

or did you think back to being in the hospital praying to survive a condition that has been a death sentence for most of human history? and no one mentioning this as possibly connected to this fatphobia?

some people responded to tell me about copper iuds as an after-sex pregnancy avoidance method – i’m glad it’s an option.

BUT also why isn’t there a plus size plan b pill? or a weight appropriate dose?

whew. just wanted to lift this up in case you have sex that could result in pregnancy, are 175 lbs or more, and haven’t read/seen Shrill…yet.



beloveds, i am basking and reveling in greater love, and feel called to testify!

in my life i have loved many people, in many ways, and been loved deeply in return. but i have also been experiencing something that i suspect is beyond the mutual love any two individuals can have, even at their best. it is a greater love, a sense that we are in the right moment in time, that we are many and enough, and the right people. that we are in the miracle.

greater love is what happens when many people fall in, or are in, or escalate in love with each other. all at once. the edges and sharpnesses soften, and the ways we can fit together become clear, and we realize our purpose is always greater than an individual drive. we are each part of the divine, so each of us has to individually reclaim that within ourselves, bring our piece to something that cannot be whole without us. we realize we belong to our time and place, with our complexities and critiques intact and accounted for; that we do not need to conform – in fact, it is the divergence that makes it feel so delicious.

and, lately, even when i’m alone, i can tap into the greater love, more and more often. it is a relaxing. it is not at all like i once imagined/projected love to be (an encompassing flame, a reaching forward into…some eternal future)…no. this is more profound. an eternal present. this is a moment in which we are completely alive and in connection. which, of course, reshapes the future, bending it away from numbness and complicity. we become part of the present, shaping a future where we can feel each other.

i am grateful that a lot of my life is spent in this state of greater love. i am grateful that i’m learning to tap into it, to choose it. that i am learning what enough is, what it is to work and be satisfied, to generate satisfaction in community with others – to be satisfied by the contributions of others.

i think movements are so strong when we cultivate greater-love with each other. and yes, there’s something about being open about the love between nodes in the pattern that helps the whole intricacy become a pattern of love.

i am thinking of a moment a while ago when a comrade in the throes of new love made a declaration of devotion at the start of a meeting – the beloved comrade next to them blushed and the love was so real and palpable it flooded the room. and all of us, who loved one or both of these comrades, oriented towards the brightness of that love, supporting it, letting it shape all of us in massive possibility.

i am thinking of how, in every place i’ve been for months, i have gotten into conversation with someone who was touched by the great and generous love of malkia and alana devich cyril. in connecting around that love, we, myself and this or that comrade – who i often only previously know through shared internet love of #mittsandmuffy – become more tender with each other, more trusting. we know that no matter what else is there, we share a recognition that love is real, that we have witnessed and participated in a greater love story in some small and meaningful way.

even today, i was in a meeting where we got to celebrate the birth of one of our humble, beautiful, committed comrades. we’d worked really hard for three days, and now we got to sing and speak testimony of someone who has given us so much. and even though the levels of intimacy in the room were wildly different, that greater love flooded through us and filled the room. i could feel us growing our capacity to sustain uncertainty and vision and rigor under pressure because we had love flowing through and between us. i could feel our love helping us grieve and hold the fear of white supremacist terrorism, borders, tyrants and corruption.

as i drove home from the airport, i saw something that looked like the embodiment of greater love: i live in a place i love – Detroit! and in michigan, god is often in the rearview mirror in the form of epic dramatic skies where the sun seems to pull apart the clouds to enter the world, incomprehensible. i wanted to pull over and make a video of that sky, to say to people – when we feel like this inside, i believe we are more connected and free. but i knew that it was the present moment, and my own attention to greater love, that made the moment. the most i can share is my feeling, my invitation to such awed attention.

i am going to keep studying and thinking on this. i want to keep learning how we authentically open our movements up for greater love to move between us, and out from us to those we must compel to join us in our move to freedom. and i want to keep unlocking my own capacity to be with, and in, greater love.

practice with me?


it’s been 40 years but i finally made it to jeju, the epic, famous, Black and Korean owned spa in Atlanta in which ask the rooms are magic and hot and their uniforms actually fit big girls and they do hip baths.

hip bath, aka yoni steam, aka extra tight.

this post is short af because there’s not much i can say about sitting on a stool with a hole in it, 19 magical herbs steaming into me from a hot plate below, under a circular cape that created a private stream room from my neck down. it was daunting at times (is the kitty on fire?) and healing (have i ever done a public blessing just for my yoni?) and i immediately wanted to make it a monthly ritual.

in brief? go steam your euphemisms.