lately i’ve been crying a lot. moved to tears at least once a day.
this morning my nibbling, who just turned 9, sang me songs that she created, played on her ukulele, recorded on the birthday gift i got her, a little handheld personal recorder. i felt so impressed by her creativity and the caliber of her lyrics, her voice – i was sitting there in auntie wonder, eyes shining, trying to play it cool.
i have been moved to tears by this new awareness i have of boundaries, needing them, feeling empowered to express them, having them honored.
the current apocalypse, being reminded of the speed of extinction. all my friends about to have babies, the dream feelings of holding their baby bellies and feeling the sweet spirits in them. visits from beloved ghosts.
even pleasure has been moving me to tears – resting into the arms of any of the many people i love and am loved by, in various states of coherence and need. stealing sweet moments for my body, like resting on the site of this fast river feeling that comes with giving my life to purpose.
and my latest lesson in humility has moved me to tears. i tried one again to control my own changes (sigh). change set me back into my place and reminded me i can dance with her, be free alongside her, grow with and through her, but never control her…tears of surrender and grief and laughter – it’s ridiculous to be a human trying to do so much with so little time or knowledge.
and it’s remarkable how many tears wait for release in me. even though i was all cried out yesterday, today i am full again.