instasocial

i spend a fair amount of time dodging plans and ducking phone calls. i am not quite extrovert, not quite introvert, though i dabble convincingly in both at times. i am also not anti-social, i love being in contact. just, particular kinds of contact. i think i may be part of a modern emerging personality, only possible because of current technologies.

so i am coining a terminology for myself/us: instasocial! i prefer methods of communication that are instant and preserve the instant, and nourish my instinctive social tendencies.

– i am present in the instant, in the moment unfolding right now. if that includes other humans i enjoy, if that’s what we’re doing, i can spend long periods of time with almost no privacy or separation and be fine. sens8 happens with woes and teammates, and i am usually the most enthusiastic participant. but i don’t linger when it’s time to scurry back to my solitude. those instances of being alone are just as nourishing.

– i usually know in an instant if i want more or less time with people, and i trust the instinct in that knowing. (i am perpetually naïve. i can get thrown off by projections. but usually not for long, and the aries and scorpio in my chart are helping me move with more inner certainty through confusion.)

– i love texting. i love being able to respond as briefly and instantly as possible to anything quick and short.

– i get amused by people who use text to send emails. i peep you. my response will still be a text: short, sweet.

– i also prefer a collaborative to-do list (the text version of coworking) to a phone meeting. cut to the task please.

– i don’t want to be on phone calls almost ever. i will do it as a way of being with people i love…and can’t convince to just text it all. basically phone is for mom and nibblings.

– i am a writer, i want to live in the exchange of written words. i love revisiting emotional archives, excellent text exchanges, dropping into the delicate ride from stranger to intimate…like a favorite section in a book, i can remember that particular instant of connection.

– text is the only incoming that doesn’t produce a minor strife in my system.

email, strife. (usually too long with polite nothings, and often missing the messy emo errors of text)

phone call? strife. (i am supposed to hear you while looking at the things i need to do in my home? i survive these by doing chores the entire time, so that it feels like the conversant is at my kitchen table)

surprise guest at door? strife! (naked and afraid!)

surprise video call?! striiiiife. (do i spend a higher percentage of my life in the bathroom? who enjoys this?)

– i love to be alone seeing what people i admire are up to, sharing analysis, books, movies, art, fashion and passion. posting things that lift me up. social media is one of my love languages.

– i curate so that i am scrolling through things that make me laugh, teach me, move me, astound me. i curate so that scrolling isn’t a waste of my time.

– i love the essentialized communication of a like or a comment (? {heart}, ? {rage}, “nice”, “wow”, “gorgeous”, “deep”) – really if it isn’t poetry what else needs to be said?

– and i respect the direct request nature of posts for help (don’t beat around the bush if you’re asking me for time or money…time is the most valuable thing to me. time i get to shape is a way i practice freedom. if you waste it, especially with a lot of preamble before asking for money, it’s unlikely you’ll get it again.)

– this way of being feels very intimate to me. there’s almost no polite sacrificing of time in it, more authentic presence, and often connecting to others who are deeply kin even if we never meet in the flesh.

– it feels important in this climate moment for those of us who not only can communicate this way (text, post), but prefer it, to be more intentional about how we do it in right relationship with the future. i long for liberated mass social virtual spaces.

– in general, how can all beings be less ashamed and more curious about the way we are?

– this way of being wasn’t even really possible before now. and there’s lots of invitation to do a low quality version of this and feel no connection and joy. let’s be intentional, curatorial, kind, future shapers.

– i know most people in my life, especially those i am closest with, are compromising to be close to me in this way. i am grateful.

i don’t think i’m alone in this instasocialism. i see y’all out there, quietly nodding and not needing more than that. or reposting, like: this.

meta.

anyone else in this self reflection?

I cannot be your mentor, here’s everything I know

i have been getting weekly requests to mentor people. i am not a great one to one mentor, and my life dance card is full in the best way. here are some things i know related to mentoring and the things i would offer to those in search of such guidance:

a mentor cannot teach you more than life itself. gather lessons from those who help you see your life as practice ground.

beware of mentors who say you remind them of their younger selves – you can never know how they feel about the past, and what they might try to help you avoid that you actually need to go thru.

accept the guidance and feedback of people who love themselves.

choose who you will belong to, let them, let those relationships, grow you up.

while romance is wonderful, great friendship is more valuable and sustainable. build friendship foundations under all of it. prioritize your time accordingly.

sometimes when it’s hard you have to stay in and get shaped by it. sometimes, you have to go. both moves will teach you the importance of themselves and of the other. the other move, yes. and the other person (or people) who you are enduring or abandoning.

you will do almost everything you say “i promise to never” do, especially things you promise to never do to someone who loves you. and if you don’t do exactly those things, it may be at great cost to your destiny. it’s in our design, so you’re not above it. promise less. promise to become yourself and nothing less.

most things you declare about yourself are aspirational. just be, and let yourself be experienced.

use scrivener to write books.

track your time anytime you feel you have none. find where you are wasting it and decide how much you care about your destiny. is your destiny more compelling than scrolling? than corresponding with people who annoy you? than reading circular news about things you will do nothing about? than a mediocre delicious show? than obligatory relationships? we all need enough room to stare into space sometimes, enough time to integrate life.

read (articles, books – or take in other forms of texts like art and music) as much as you write. but write (think, converse, ideate) as much as you read (scroll) too.

you can’t skip the hard parts and have any meaningful impact on the world.

while you’re inside the hard parts, it doesn’t feel like wisdom.

trust the part of people that doesn’t follow through. let it/future expectations go.

your body is saying everything to you, you can know almost everything if you listen.

your feelings are never more important than revolution. and your feelings are a crucial part of revolution. find the balance and get to work.

don’t ask me anything you can find in a book or on the internet, start talking at the edge of what’s known.

find the front lines of humanity inside your own life and system. advance them.

love yourself along the way for being part of the greatest purpose of our species: liberated and liberating life.

trust the people

lessons from the emergent strategy immersion new orleans:

trust the people who move towards you and already feel like home.

trust the people to let you rest.

trust the people to do everything better than you could have imagined.

trust the people and they become trustworthy.

trust that the people are doing their work to trust themselves.

trust that each breach of trust can deepen trust or clarify boundaries.

trust the people who revel in pleasure after hard work.

trust the people who let children teach/remind us how to emote, be still, and laugh.

trust the people who see and hold your heart.

trust the people who listen to the whales.

trust the people and you will become trustworthy.

trust the people and show them your love.

trust the people.