instasocial

i spend a fair amount of time dodging plans and ducking phone calls. i am not quite extrovert, not quite introvert, though i dabble convincingly in both at times. i am also not anti-social, i love being in contact. just, particular kinds of contact. i think i may be part of a modern emerging personality, only possible because of current technologies.

so i am coining a terminology for myself/us: instasocial! i prefer methods of communication that are instant and preserve the instant, and nourish my instinctive social tendencies.

– i am present in the instant, in the moment unfolding right now. if that includes other humans i enjoy, if that’s what we’re doing, i can spend long periods of time with almost no privacy or separation and be fine. sens8 happens with woes and teammates, and i am usually the most enthusiastic participant. but i don’t linger when it’s time to scurry back to my solitude. those instances of being alone are just as nourishing.

– i usually know in an instant if i want more or less time with people, and i trust the instinct in that knowing. (i am perpetually naïve. i can get thrown off by projections. but usually not for long, and the aries and scorpio in my chart are helping me move with more inner certainty through confusion.)

– i love texting. i love being able to respond as briefly and instantly as possible to anything quick and short.

– i get amused by people who use text to send emails. i peep you. my response will still be a text: short, sweet.

– i also prefer a collaborative to-do list (the text version of coworking) to a phone meeting. cut to the task please.

– i don’t want to be on phone calls almost ever. i will do it as a way of being with people i love…and can’t convince to just text it all. basically phone is for mom and nibblings.

– i am a writer, i want to live in the exchange of written words. i love revisiting emotional archives, excellent text exchanges, dropping into the delicate ride from stranger to intimate…like a favorite section in a book, i can remember that particular instant of connection.

– text is the only incoming that doesn’t produce a minor strife in my system.

email, strife. (usually too long with polite nothings, and often missing the messy emo errors of text)

phone call? strife. (i am supposed to hear you while looking at the things i need to do in my home? i survive these by doing chores the entire time, so that it feels like the conversant is at my kitchen table)

surprise guest at door? strife! (naked and afraid!)

surprise video call?! striiiiife. (do i spend a higher percentage of my life in the bathroom? who enjoys this?)

– i love to be alone seeing what people i admire are up to, sharing analysis, books, movies, art, fashion and passion. posting things that lift me up. social media is one of my love languages.

– i curate so that i am scrolling through things that make me laugh, teach me, move me, astound me. i curate so that scrolling isn’t a waste of my time.

– i love the essentialized communication of a like or a comment (? {heart}, ? {rage}, “nice”, “wow”, “gorgeous”, “deep”) – really if it isn’t poetry what else needs to be said?

– and i respect the direct request nature of posts for help (don’t beat around the bush if you’re asking me for time or money…time is the most valuable thing to me. time i get to shape is a way i practice freedom. if you waste it, especially with a lot of preamble before asking for money, it’s unlikely you’ll get it again.)

– this way of being feels very intimate to me. there’s almost no polite sacrificing of time in it, more authentic presence, and often connecting to others who are deeply kin even if we never meet in the flesh.

– it feels important in this climate moment for those of us who not only can communicate this way (text, post), but prefer it, to be more intentional about how we do it in right relationship with the future. i long for liberated mass social virtual spaces.

– in general, how can all beings be less ashamed and more curious about the way we are?

– this way of being wasn’t even really possible before now. and there’s lots of invitation to do a low quality version of this and feel no connection and joy. let’s be intentional, curatorial, kind, future shapers.

– i know most people in my life, especially those i am closest with, are compromising to be close to me in this way. i am grateful.

i don’t think i’m alone in this instasocialism. i see y’all out there, quietly nodding and not needing more than that. or reposting, like: this.

meta.

anyone else in this self reflection?

Author: Adrienne

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your uprising against the forces of darkness has got to do more than say "no." A fierce, primal yes should be at the heart of your crusade. (rob brezny, long ago)

4 thoughts on “instasocial”

  1. “in general, how can all beings be less ashamed and more curious about the way we are?” So hard for me to fathom finding depth or meaningful exchange in texts. Plus my hands are too full or dirty or wet in the world. (I can hold a phone to my ear like that though.) To understand, I need voices – intonation and cadence, or the dimension of a human being in front of me. Working hard at literacy in the name of all who just text. A “like” or one-word response feels like absolutely nothing under my skin or in my bones. I wish I could befriend or at least understand. But the texts I just can’t. I may finally understand some things here in your writing, but admittedly, it’s my worst nightmare to stay curious. I see no way for it to work out with so many. I’ve tried. And I fear everything from my capitalization and complete sentences to my wish to call you and talk on the phone is met with disdain and discredits me. I wonder if this is just way too long, too – does she hate me? So I’m headed out into the world, wishing I could speak to you on the phone because I may never fully understand unless that. (But she don’t need me as I need her.) I’m not a writer, and crafting this took too long. I wonder if you read this long. I could meet you where you’re at with a text or post, but hands will be in the dirt. Maybe I will see you in person one day, but I think in an instant you wouldn’t like me and so it wouldn’t be worth more. I love the challenge of instant disdain – it’s what kept me thinking about this post and try to stay with the understanding rather than the hate for all lost relationships to txt only. With sincerity and love and appreciation. (ps-over pets too.)

  2. i so enjoy this affirmation of being <3 thank you for painting yourself exquisitely

  3. many of my texts are long and thought out like this. writing is always potentially depth, I just don’t want to give more voice and space to that which is not depth!

    I also rather enjoy instant disdain. xoxo

  4. feeling DEEPLY seen. i will likely include a link to this in my email signature. these parts particularly:

    – i don’t want to be on phone calls almost ever.

    – i love texting. i love being able to respond as briefly and instantly as possible to anything quick and short.

    cut to the task please.

    – i am present in the instant, in the moment unfolding right now. if that includes other humans i enjoy, if that’s what we’re doing, i can spend long periods of time with almost no privacy or separation and be fine. sens8 happens with woes and teammates, and i am usually the most enthusiastic participant. but i don’t linger when it’s time to scurry back to my solitude. those instances of being alone are just as nourishing.

    – i know most people in my life, especially those i am closest with, are compromising to be close to me in this way. i am grateful.

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