5th element

i am having a reawakened moment about the 5th element – y’all know that movie? i love that movie cause in the end its clear that the divine can take the human form but loves makes miracles and only love can save the world and in my heart of hearts i’m that cornbally cheesepuff love freak.  and i work hard, y’all, i don’t complain – i LOVE my work. however, i feel like i can’t get the truly divine output without love. hence my current tragedy is all-encompassing.

those following the lyrics know i been having love woes, i am fundamentally unloved by the one who looked in further than anyone else and said, eh – naw. i wrote how it feels to bury the idea of love, to realize that your beloved is like a dead self and it is done and you can’t move on unless you bury it or it will keep faking you out that it might come to life but really its rotting:

it hurts so overwhelmingly much and i keep crying on the train, on the street, in my office, in bathrooms, in bed, all the time i just have to stop and bend over from the waist and weep shamelessly – its a new freedom, this pain. i feel like i am grieving my man, grieving my own heart and the one in me who loves, this great loss, this face and person and magic i won’t know again. i know everyone says i will, i hear that. but i hate that truth. i don’t want to love again, love someone else, wait for it. you know?

i also have a feeling right now though of something put through a fire and come out. shapeable, so hot i could burn any bridge i need to, or anyone who touched me. its time for the most fabulous adrienne, totally reshaped by the fire. i predict that groundbreakingly stunningly brilliantly untouchable adrienne will emerge as soon as i stop weeping and wailing.

1 Response to “5th element”


  1. 1 Taz

    I wrote this poem back a while ago… Reading your blog reminded me of this poem. love! -taz

    How?

    How do I fall out of love?
    When falling in love was so easy?
    How do I learn to let go?

    How do I unlearn that this one I thought Forever with – wedding, kids, power couple, a partnership?
    How do I convince myself what I thought was Destiny, Soulmate, Forever, actually has an end?
    How do I come to terms with it, really?
    That the person that I loved with my whole heart, the person I would die for, didn’t love me back as fully?
    That the person I love, cares for another?
    That the person I love, doesn’t want to love me back anymore?
    How do I learn to let it go, let it all go?

    How do I ignore the sixth sense that connects the two of us together, that his moods, pains, feelings can turn my stomach from 3,000 miles away?
    How do I make myself forget knowing someone inside out, mind, body, and soul?
    How do I disconnect myself from being emotionally connected?

    How can you say that you loved me unlike you’ve loved anyone,
    That I stir emotions and feelings within you unlike anyone,
    That it brings tears to your eyes at the though of not being a part of my life,
    And these are reasons for you to want to remain friends?
    And how can it not compel you to want anything more?

    How can you say that you want me to be your back-up marriage for when/if you decide that’s what you want in life?
    That you can picture me 10 years down the line as your wife, mother to your children, just not now?
    That we can get along so well after all those months apart, our bodies can remember each other’s rhythms, and you can still make me so carelessly happy?

    How am I supposed to keep you as a best friend when I fundamentally don’t understand why you stopped being my lover in the first place?
    How am I supposed to move forward, when I simply don’t understand what I did wrong?
    Knowing all this, how am I supposed to move on, to let it go?
    Tell me, how am I supposed to let it all go?

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