never ending story

oh i could come from so many directions today…

i could talk about the fact that i am singing at the washington monument on sunday at 6:30!! someone who heard me at riverside asked me to come do the same thing for this anti-war service there. someone else asked for a demo to slip to a house producer :) mama i want to sing.

i could talk about the battle with the small-but-gaining-in-size roaches i found upon returning home today. i went to heat up some odd chicken franks in my toaster {note: don’t buy cheap chicken franks. when i went to open the bag it had filled up nearly to bursting with air and then didn’t cook well at all} and several roaches of unusual size came running out from under it. appalled, i sprayed roach spray all over the toaster, which i suppose means i now have to throw it away or else risk poisoning myself. cono. roach spray is so not helpful. it kills the roaches but only after you’ve sprayed it on all your precious things. the roach factor has me slapping my own body like a post-pcp chris tucker in the pot classic ‘friday’.

i could talk about seeing adriana today, with her album of wedding photos that took me back to the joyous occasion of her wedding last month. she is on her way to bangalore, the world is a row of open doors before her and each holds a blessing.

one of her wedding pictures showed me to be shrekian next to her, which made me recommit to eating salads only for 20 months. starting…tomorrow. yeah.

i could talk about today’s work – my first draft of a piece called the league theory of change which includes our 6 point model. its not done yet, but its fairly comprehensive and i feel pretty excited about it. i think its the first…theory? i’ve ever written. and my coworker celeste is on super point, which is always fun to work with.

i could write about my me-so-ignant moment today. i put in house of flying daggers and realized after two minutes that i just didn’t want to watch subtitles. so i put it on english dub and was totally satisfied with the experience. then i put on the motorcycle diaries and as it had no dubbed english version i lost the storyline several times. gael looked fine but…after the chile part i have only snapshots of his journey. this may have something to do with the fact that to get internet in my house i have to work with my back to the t.v. and turn around to see it – so it’s like movies on radio…

i could talk about my two favorite songs right now. it’s been a while since i gave u lyrics of the week so here goes…one is percy sledge – his voice sounds unbelievably tender on the recording and the song is so sweet:

(Come softly, darling)
(Come to me, sta-ay)
(You’re my ob-session)
(For ever and a da-ay)

I want, want you to kno-o-ow
I love, I love you so
Please hold, hold me so tight
All through, all through the night..

(Speak softly, darling)
(Hear what I sa-ay)
(I love you always)
(Always, always)

I’ve waited, waited so long
For your kisses and your love
Please come, come to me
>From up, from up above

(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
I need, need you so much
Wanna feel your wa-arm touch

and it may seem i’m stalling but i also want to share with you the lyrics of the other song which, in a totally RANDOM name coincidence, is by sister sledge, and its called thinkin of you:

Everybody let me tell you ‘bout my love
Brought to you by an angel from above
Full equipped with a lifetime guarantee
Once you try it, I am sure that you’ll see
         

[Without love] There’s no reason to live
            [Without you] And what would I do with the love I give
            [All my lovin’] To you I’ll be giving
            And I promise, yes I’ll do, as long as I’m living

         

I’m thinking of you and the things you do to me
            That makes me love you, now I’m living in ecstasy
            Hey, it’s you and the things you do to me
            That makes me love you, now I’m living in ecstasy

         

All the time he makes me glad that I’m alive
            Together we will survive
            What do you think brought the sun out today
            It’s my baby, oh, help me sing

         

[Without love] Without love there’s no reason to live
            [Without you] Oh, what would I do with the love I give
            [All my lovin’] To you I’ll be giving
            And I promise, yes I’ll do, as long as I’m living

         

I’m thinking of you and the things you do to me
            That makes me love you, now I’m living in ecstasy
            Hey, it’s you and the things you do to me
            That makes me love you, now I’m living in ecstasy

         

I’m in love again
            And it feels so, so good

         

Hey, it’s you and the things you do to me
            That makes me love you, now I’m living in ecstasy
            Yeah, it’s you [You and the things you do to me] and I
            [That makes me love you] That makes me love you [Now I’m living
            in ecstasy], oh
            It’s you, you, you [And the things you do to me], yeah
            [That makes me love you] That makes me love you [Now I’m living
            in ecstasy], ey…hey…

and it goes on in that vein – dj cosi put it on a mix sofia let me burn off her. it and the song ‘baby i’m scared of you’ by womack & womack {houdini was a great magician, he could crack a lock from any position, but my heart is nothing like those locks…i don’t believe in magic, i believe in love everlasting} are ALWAYS good.

so…maybe cause i was listening to all that non-stop, or maybe cause i was feelin all bad ass for all the balance i have in multiple low-key relationships right now that made me forget to keep my little wall up inside…er, um, sigh…ok readers, i have a confession!

let’s call this confession the return of the heartbreaker. not in his original role mind you, but i think we may finally attempt a true friendship. what can i say? i just had a visceral experience of loss and missing him this weekend on my way home from florida, a vision of all the wrong turns we’d both taken and a dream to start again somehow, to save the pieces of our friendship that weren’t rotten. i felt this need for him in my life physically surge through me, it moved me to tears.

{yes, i am that dramatic to cry lookin out a plane window}
{and then dramatically scrawl my thoughts in a journal i hold awkwardly so other passengers can’t see these passionate mumblings}
{and then decide that though my heart is only partially mended, coffee and a hug are not an unreasonable next step}.

i have never been one to write off those i have loved, it is illogical to me that you can be so close to someone and then have them absent from your life while they are still on this earth. even if the contact is rare, even if it is bittersweet, that person is a mirror to your most humbled soul and it seems wrong to break completely. so…i suppose i conjured him – today he appeared online and we both spilled it out, the desire to reconnect, the silly small pieces of life that were piling up in us that no one else wanted or needed to hear.

love may never have been the right idea, it may have always been best friends. but isn’t that line the cloudiest of all?

in other news, i see my mama this weekend and she’ll be here all next week for the final piece of my birthday month celebration!!

in more other news, check out www.colorofchange.org – a black web action initiative.

PEACE

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