Monthly Archive for April, 2006

you’re getting sleepy

pilates means never having a pain-free laugh, sneeze, or cough. pilates and allergies just don’t mix!
but i also kinda love knowing there is a muscle under there!!

warning: i am once again feeling like i may be done with the blogging phase of my life. or perhaps just a bit like the world is too imbalanced for meaningful commentary. oo many posts these days are written by the pensive patty part of me!

maybe i need new glasses. rose colored ones…

today i got to feel the role i play in life as standing between things. i went to the anti-war march which no one seemed to know about, there was a festival on foley square where i’d been invited to sing and emcee a bit. i found out when i got there that we had no sound permit, and thus only made it an hour and a half into the show when bored cops found something to do by shutting down our little sound system…

when i arrived at the square tho, i saw such a gentle gathering. i drifted between protestors, sweet people and cynics. they were all speaking critically, and i daresay they were all correct in their assessments. bush is fucked up, peace is the answer, and this type of gathering isn’t going to have the deep impact needed to stop this administration in their wars or incompetencies…

i’ve been in the mind lately of the end user, since i learned about this idea of end user metrix, determining what your client or participant or audience most wants/needs to hear/see/feel for you to be successful in whatever your effort is. the perfect action in life, big or small, hangs in the balance between your deeply understood purpose in life and your end users’ needs. i now watch protests with my deep purpose of wanting to end the violent injustice of war, but from the mind of someone on the fence about this administration, or as a shareholder, or as someone against the war but scared or unsure of how to act against it…what doesn’t work is violence or hatred – in words or actions. i saw a lot of signs that were massively unclear, or seemed to be made only for the pleasure and amusement of the signmaker. i want to do a movement makeover!

visited janine and jalen today, who have moved into a nicer bigger apartment in which jalen has bunk beds with a star specked canopy and a special nightlight with stars and moons and planets and a special chair that closes over his head if he wants – the delight of small things for small people always beats out the acquirement of big toys for grown ups in my eyes.

then had a late dinner with my college roommate adriana, who gets more stunning each year. she has just spent a year teaching in india, and starts nyu ph.d in education program in the fall. so together, she almost makes me want to do my hair.

almost!

tomorrow i have a climate justice meeting, this issue that is sort of clawing at me, more desperately than so much other work.

late night news drinking game: can you count the number of times mainstream media makes the connection between 9-11 and the tribeca film festival?

for the visual learners, i have a picture of me with my new necklaces on, just posted it on myspace, they are my current bartered pride and joy :)

marching in solidarity with immigrant justice on may 1st? holla if you want to!

you’re getting sleepy

pilates means never having a pain-free laugh, sneeze, or cough. pilates and allergies just don’t mix!
but i also kinda love knowing there is a muscle under there!!

warning: i am once again feeling like i may be done with the blogging phase of my life. or perhaps just a bit like the world is too imbalanced for meaningful commentary. oo many posts these days are written by the pensive patty part of me!

maybe i need new glasses. rose colored ones…

today i got to feel the role i play in life as standing between things. i went to the anti-war march which no one seemed to know about, there was a festival on foley square where i’d been invited to sing and emcee a bit. i found out when i got there that we had no sound permit, and thus only made it an hour and a half into the show when bored cops found something to do by shutting down our little sound system…

when i arrived at the square tho, i saw such a gentle gathering. i drifted between protestors, sweet people and cynics. they were all speaking critically, and i daresay they were all correct in their assessments. bush is fucked up, peace is the answer, and this type of gathering isn’t going to have the deep impact needed to stop this administration in their wars or incompetencies…

i’ve been in the mind lately of the end user, since i learned about this idea of end user metrix, determining what your client or participant or audience most wants/needs to hear/see/feel for you to be successful in whatever your effort is. the perfect action in life, big or small, hangs in the balance between your deeply understood purpose in life and your end users’ needs. i now watch protests with my deep purpose of wanting to end the violent injustice of war, but from the mind of someone on the fence about this administration, or as a shareholder, or as someone against the war but scared or unsure of how to act against it…what doesn’t work is violence or hatred – in words or actions. i saw a lot of signs that were massively unclear, or seemed to be made only for the pleasure and amusement of the signmaker. i want to do a movement makeover!

visited janine and jalen today, who have moved into a nicer bigger apartment in which jalen has bunk beds with a star specked canopy and a special nightlight with stars and moons and planets and a special chair that closes over his head if he wants – the delight of small things for small people always beats out the acquirement of big toys for grown ups in my eyes.

then had a late dinner with my college roommate adriana, who gets more stunning each year. she has just spent a year teaching in india, and starts nyu ph.d in education program in the fall. so together, she almost makes me want to do my hair.

almost!

tomorrow i have a climate justice meeting, this issue that is sort of clawing at me, more desperately than so much other work.

late night news drinking game: can you count the number of times mainstream media makes the connection between 9-11 and the tribeca film festival?

for the visual learners, i have a picture of me with my new necklaces on, just posted it on myspace, they are my current bartered pride and joy :)

marching in solidarity with immigrant justice on may 1st? holla if you want to!

you’re getting sleepy

pilates means never having a pain-free laugh, sneeze, or cough. pilates and allergies just don’t mix!
but i also kinda love knowing there is a muscle under there!!

warning: i am once again feeling like i may be done with the blogging phase of my life. or perhaps just a bit like the world is too imbalanced for meaningful commentary. oo many posts these days are written by the pensive patty part of me!

maybe i need new glasses. rose colored ones…

today i got to feel the role i play in life as standing between things. i went to the anti-war march which no one seemed to know about, there was a festival on foley square where i’d been invited to sing and emcee a bit. i found out when i got there that we had no sound permit, and thus only made it an hour and a half into the show when bored cops found something to do by shutting down our little sound system…

when i arrived at the square tho, i saw such a gentle gathering. i drifted between protestors, sweet people and cynics. they were all speaking critically, and i daresay they were all correct in their assessments. bush is fucked up, peace is the answer, and this type of gathering isn’t going to have the deep impact needed to stop this administration in their wars or incompetencies…

i’ve been in the mind lately of the end user, since i learned about this idea of end user metrix, determining what your client or participant or audience most wants/needs to hear/see/feel for you to be successful in whatever your effort is. the perfect action in life, big or small, hangs in the balance between your deeply understood purpose in life and your end users’ needs. i now watch protests with my deep purpose of wanting to end the violent injustice of war, but from the mind of someone on the fence about this administration, or as a shareholder, or as someone against the war but scared or unsure of how to act against it…what doesn’t work is violence or hatred – in words or actions. i saw a lot of signs that were massively unclear, or seemed to be made only for the pleasure and amusement of the signmaker. i want to do a movement makeover!

visited janine and jalen today, who have moved into a nicer bigger apartment in which jalen has bunk beds with a star specked canopy and a special nightlight with stars and moons and planets and a special chair that closes over his head if he wants – the delight of small things for small people always beats out the acquirement of big toys for grown ups in my eyes.

then had a late dinner with my college roommate adriana, who gets more stunning each year. she has just spent a year teaching in india, and starts nyu ph.d in education program in the fall. so together, she almost makes me want to do my hair.

almost!

tomorrow i have a climate justice meeting, this issue that is sort of clawing at me, more desperately than so much other work.

late night news drinking game: can you count the number of times mainstream media makes the connection between 9-11 and the tribeca film festival?

for the visual learners, i have a picture of me with my new necklaces on, just posted it on myspace, they are my current bartered pride and joy :)

marching in solidarity with immigrant justice on may 1st? holla if you want to!

top 10 ways to detach

so i am here in ny with the knowledge that i should be crafting a dope plan to move across country. unfortunately, i think i am experiencing a sort of detachment depression! lifted some-much cuz i had a fabulous visit with my mom, and one post soon will be a photo journal on our shopping excursions!

but back to my severe DD….i think its official, i got the DD!

how do i know you might ask?

10. can’t seem to pack anything now that i have taken some decorations down. i love this little room!

9. don’t want to respond to any questions related to when or how i am leaving

8. no desire to go out to ny parties full of people i know, because that will jsut remind me i am leaving them

7. tired all the time but can’t sleep very well

6. have this itch all over me that won’t go away, just moves from spot to spot randomly. my therapist says its psychosematic. i concede: i DO feel like a psycho scratching all day!

5. i’m having my overwhelmed-by-issues moments. this occasionally (spelling?) happens to me…since i regularly valiantly and somewhat self-righteously contend with what is happening in the world, its a constant risk that at some point all the battles to be fought make me think the war can’t be won…then i think – why such violent metaphors? deprogramming starts inside! then i say om and levitate. its a cycle…

4. all i want to read is maxim, us weekly and people. still no respite. in the (feminine) folds of an old maxim i ganked from my sister’s bathroom (don’t ask) i found a devastating story about young veterans facing depression and homelessness upon return. maxim gets it…the blip of consciousness between nekkid ladies…luckily in two pages i found ‘100 things you should know about women" (a piece which infuriated me, cause it proved that men know all the shit that makes us mad and still act a fool.)

3. i feel like i should avoid, rather than engage, with the people i love. this harkens back to an old habit of mine…if i suspect someone might really adore me i want to push the emergency stop button on depth. i feel like i should macy gray-ify a dress and have it say – "permastop: freezing devotion in its tracks since 1978". my latest theory in brokeback lingo: i am so much more heath than jake. who knew?

2. i keep saying i’m almost 30, which i think sparks from the sense that this next stage of life is locked in for at least three years. the funny thing is, objectively, i am so amped for this next stage. this is just the pre-awesome grieving process for my dark years perhaps…

1. the song ‘breaking up is hard to do’ keeps playing in my head. to leave new york, once you have lived here twice as long as anywhere else in your life; and/or you fell in love with it at age 9, is much like a break up. you have to start to see the ugliness, the imperfections, the way it doesn’t really listen or support you like you need, the walls it leaves intact in your independent heart, its silly overt style and desperate vying for attention. it could work out down the road but we both need to mature a little…

there’s a minimum of 5 parties i committed to rolling through this evening, pero i am wearing my house dress through a headache and not budging. its times like these that i curse star trek for introducing me to the idea of beaming particles. i know from whence cometh my pain…if i can’t beam into the next phase of my life then how the hell do i get there?

on the other hand!

what does get me fired up right now is any opportunity to work. perhaps i am entering the celestine benedictine monk/nun part of my life…i’m revelling in this experience with self-induced near celibacy (can you be celibate AND have an orgasm a day?).

i am getting good at no! no. no. no means no. whats nice is noticing how often i get to say no…oh the reluctant mack/playa/party-attendee…where were you seducers when i was panhandling for charity compliments? everything about how you interact with people when you withdraw your flirtatious gaming self is different.

tomorrow i am going to the anti-war march. i am not normally a fan of marches but any show of opposition to the current occupations strikes me as absolutely necessary…just as, though i am not into money, i can see myself doing finance and development work for the ruckus society because any show of people in protest right now is the only response to the world i really understand, and i will support in any way possible.

ah – the travelin itch has ceased – let me get to bed before it reappears on my ankle or elbow or wherever. its either psycho, or from getting hella dry and cold in colorado…the answer is in that scientific realm of dermatologist anatomy, and that, dear readers, is a realm in which i tread with the trepidation of a guesser. i prefer self diagnosis, the possibilities there are endless!

nighty night!

hating macromedia flash

first i have to air a deep concern:

every time i come here to blog there are dancing ducks, clowns or flies making horrible noises, or advertisements that won’t stay within their borders or go away. my initial dislike has advanced into the hatred zone. i removed the program from my comupter. i can seem to remove the advertisement that now shows up right under my first listed post on here, often showing legs that are clearly not mine. this is MY blog. i only want images i approve on here!! so i am thinking when i move to cali i may upgrade to a different blog service as well! suggestions?

in other rather BIG news, today i emailed one of my favorite funny bloggers, michelle collins!  i emailed her about a post of hers and she added my email to the post! what racks my nerves now is…did i email her a correct correction or was i just a giddy kneejerk fan?

today my mom and i kicked it all day, which meant we went to target, then she grabbed a tea while i was in therapy with my stunning therapist, who is also my sister’s therapist. i feel like i am doing pretty good these days, but its still kind of great to kick it with her. then my mom and i had a lazy afternoon, before being late to dinner at spoonbread TOO…catfish mmm mm mmm!

i just had an hour of me time – time when i write letters of love to myself and then sing love songs to myself and then dance and dip me and then pledge to be true. or at least play with myself.

scrabble that is.
yeah.
super awesome scrabble.

so i am blogging in a super satisfied peaceful zoned out state. let’s just say i bested myself with an awesome word that used every letter i know…

in a discussion about my move to cali recently, a dear friend said she didn’t know how i could ever live in this little studio anyway. i smiled politely but inside i thought: er…negatory!

the secret is, other than the sharing of the bathroom and the less than total kitchen, this is my dream home. tiny, simple, clear where everything belongs. i love the idea of living in a sparse room somewhere, mattress on the floor and few belongings and close to good food and park and public transportation. its the ideal city dwelling for a wannabe minimalist. i am going to cherish every hour left in this room!

now i am watching the beat my heart skipped, which was given high praise from friends, none of whom informed me that it was subtitled and FRENCH! so hard to blog and read subtitles, plus its reminding me i should have never stopped plaring piano.

i almost wish i knew french.

i have (had) a grand plan to secretly learn french and unveil it to my parents. this was going to be an anniversary present but…its hard out there for a…language challenged. their anniversary was april 1st.

si si si that april 1st.

cinco de mayo is coming and i hope you are all taking it off! but before that if you’re in ny this saturday come through the major mobilization against the war…you know how i feel about marches in general, but festivals of artists against war i basically adore, they beckon the baez/dylanite in my very soul. i’ll be mcing and performing from 2-4 on foley square.

my rocky mountain bloody nose is gone! woo hoo!!

some nice things for a day take 2

I landed on home soil early this morning –
made that direct red eye from

Denver

and slept the entire three hours of the trip. Then when I was heading to the
subway with blurry eyes and too much to carry, I found a shy, lost woman. Her
name is Amanda.

She decided to come to

New York

after a professor put her onto Jonathan Kozol books about education and brown
kids. She’s a white woman with a bachelor’s looking for work with kids in
impoverished communities – she’s never taught before but she wants to see if it
could work for her. Since graduating from college in 2003 she has tried a few
careers but nothing reaches her.  So here she is, scared she might fail,
but certain that her passion could better be met by service in the South Bronx,
or maybe India, or New Orleans even, than Colorado.

While one part of me wanted to react with haughty righteousness to her ‘helper’
approach, the other part of me was moved. A virginal whiteous
visitor…normally I would say go start the work at home, but she was already
here, in NY, with one suitcase and a week to find experiences and change her
life.  She was so genuine and despite her quiet fragility, she was doing
something so brave, such a huge leap that she hadn’t even told her
family.  I think if I hadn’t run across her she might have just taken a
subway to the Bronx and started walking around…I put her in touch with some
folks who I know have taught in the

South Bronx

and then some teachers organizations I know of.

Yes, for both of us it was a show of naivity – several times she said maybe it
was stupid, or a mistake, and I thought to myself what do you expect you can
do. It made me think again of relativism, what is it that makes someone wake up
from a life of class-based inattention and navigate the rush of guilt and
wanting to make up for time lost, how quickly can one come to an on point
analysis of justice after that? Its not my job, never has been, but
occasionally, you have to let your heart be moved.

She looks like I imagine my aunt might have 30 years ago, on her first trip
away from home, I took pictures to send her. I mean…look at her:

Amanda1_1

I slept much of the day, intermittently trying to delete a shit ton of emails
that have piled up. Although it might be bitchy I kind of want to change my
message on my phone to say – just text message me! Its easier on the sidekick
to get a text or email or instant message than check voicemail. Perfect for
me…

No hair on me today! Sadly, a travel rash all over. This happens sometimes for me
with a quick weather shift. A slight feeling all over that my skin is still in
the snow in

Colorado

,
aka reason number 12 I need to move to an island. Of course, with the rash and
chin hair this might all secretly be a top 10 list of ways Adrienne unmackifies…or
this is the new sexy! Stratch and shave…remarkably I still smell fantastic!

Watched some science fiction and now have the Constant Gardner in with The Beat
My Heart Skipped still to come. My mama’s in town, tomorrow I get to see her!

Now – the thing I sent and posted all over today:

words from  Hopi Nation  Elders     Oraibi,

ArizonaWe have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour
Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour
And there are things to be considered.

Where are you living?
  What are you doing?
  What are your relationships?
  Are you in the right relation?
  Where is your water?
Know your garden.
  It is time to speak your truth
  Create your community.
  Be good to each other.
  And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
  This could be a good time!
  There is a river flowing now very fast
  It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.
  They will try to hold onto the shore.
  They will feel they are being torn apart and they will suffer greatly.
  Know the river has its destination.
  The elders say we must let go of the shore, and push off and into the
river,
  Keep our eyes open, and our head above the water.
  See who is in there with you and Celebrate.
  At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally.
  Least of all ourselves.
  For the moment that we do,
Our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over, Gather yourselves!
  Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.
  All that you do now must be done in a sacred manner
  And in celebration.
"We are the ones we’ve been waiting for…"

superbloggin from d’aeroporte

hello and hello

i feel like i’ve been away from this lovely blog and thus all you lovely four people.

i just had a moment of absolute singleness, it was pretty tight! i am more single now than i have been in years, like, nothing pulling on my heart in any desperate way. its a different kind of freedom than i can even remember, no pain. when longing for something i don’t even think you can imagine this kind of calm heart as a goal. is it lack of attachment, that zen like heart, could i be in that zone?

perhaps that’s why i can say it is with no macking intent that i face a certain horror of horrors:

i have a hair that has started growin out of my chin!

just one, and it grows slowly, but it won’t go away? everytime i mention this to another woman they are like girl please, that is just the way of the world.

NOT MY WORLD!

i have been a decidedly unbearded lady. i met a lovely bearded lady today at our protest against newmont mining, and it worked for her, and thats great. but i am not that. that is not me. what comes to mind are witches and old ladies. am i socialized? prissy? ignant? HELP!!

in other news, i have spent mmmm several hours now in a bar at the denver airport. thats always fun…am trying to see if i can get on a direct flight blah blah

so the real thing is, i am so fucking excited about this ruckus job. i mean, the opportunities/ challenges already abound. the position of executive director is a deep one. its one thing to have a vision for every aspect of an organization, that is this deep feeling of infatuation and awe…to actually be in a position to implement it all is something else entirely, something wonderful and frightening akin to marriage, finding a work/life partner. mostly wonderful, because the folks i am working with are so talented and capable. but i have to catch myself sometimes like – is what i just said executive directorly or totally unacceptable? or am i just gonna be the best adrienne i can be at all times?

here are some photos of the lovely people i spent the week with at this indigenous people’s power project training (cy, hannah, lily, satya and marty with the some folks from the colorado american indian movement):

Dsc01909Dsc01860Dsc01881Dsc01908Dsc01902

more to come…oh and here’s the snowstorm we were caught up in:

Dsc01865Dsc01867

no joke fall down if you’re wearing cute boots type snow.

i wrote an amazon review for bryant’s book grub – have y’all got yo copies yet? GRAB GRUB! www.eatgrub.com

wow…somehow 7 hours have passed! let me go try to hustle this journey. heads up – kyung-ji has started crafting a goodbye party for my may 13th…open your calendars and spread the word…

superbloggin from d’aeroporte

hello and hello

i feel like i’ve been away from this lovely blog and thus all you lovely four people.

i just had a moment of absolute singleness, it was pretty tight! i am more single now than i have been in years, like, nothing pulling on my heart in any desperate way. its a different kind of freedom than i can even remember, no pain. when longing for something i don’t even think you can imagine this kind of calm heart as a goal. is it lack of attachment, that zen like heart, could i be in that zone?

perhaps that’s why i can say it is with no macking intent that i face a certain horror of horrors:

i have a hair that has started growin out of my chin!

just one, and it grows slowly, but it won’t go away? everytime i mention this to another woman they are like girl please, that is just the way of the world.

NOT MY WORLD!

i have been a decidedly unbearded lady. i met a lovely bearded lady today at our protest against newmont mining, and it worked for her, and thats great. but i am not that. that is not me. what comes to mind are witches and old ladies. am i socialized? prissy? ignant? HELP!!

in other news, i have spent mmmm several hours now in a bar at the denver airport. thats always fun…am trying to see if i can get on a direct flight blah blah

so the real thing is, i am so fucking excited about this ruckus job. i mean, the opportunities/ challenges already abound. the position of executive director is a deep one. its one thing to have a vision for every aspect of an organization, that is this deep feeling of infatuation and awe…to actually be in a position to implement it all is something else entirely, something wonderful and frightening akin to marriage, finding a work/life partner. mostly wonderful, because the folks i am working with are so talented and capable. but i have to catch myself sometimes like – is what i just said executive directorly or totally unacceptable? or am i just gonna be the best adrienne i can be at all times?

here are some photos of the lovely people i spent the week with at this indigenous people’s power project training (cy, hannah, lily, satya and marty with the some folks from the colorado american indian movement):

Dsc01909Dsc01860Dsc01881Dsc01908Dsc01902

more to come…oh and here’s the snowstorm we were caught up in:

Dsc01865Dsc01867

no joke fall down if you’re wearing cute boots type snow.

i wrote an amazon review for bryant’s book grub – have y’all got yo copies yet? GRAB GRUB! www.eatgrub.com

wow…somehow 7 hours have passed! let me go try to hustle this journey. heads up – kyung-ji has started crafting a goodbye party for my may 13th…open your calendars and spread the word…

superbloggin from d’aeroporte

hello and hello

i feel like i’ve been away from this lovely blog and thus all you lovely four people.

i just had a moment of absolute singleness, it was pretty tight! i am more single now than i have been in years, like, nothing pulling on my heart in any desperate way. its a different kind of freedom than i can even remember, no pain. when longing for something i don’t even think you can imagine this kind of calm heart as a goal. is it lack of attachment, that zen like heart, could i be in that zone?

perhaps that’s why i can say it is with no macking intent that i face a certain horror of horrors:

i have a hair that has started growin out of my chin!

just one, and it grows slowly, but it won’t go away? everytime i mention this to another woman they are like girl please, that is just the way of the world.

NOT MY WORLD!

i have been a decidedly unbearded lady. i met a lovely bearded lady today at our protest against newmont mining, and it worked for her, and thats great. but i am not that. that is not me. what comes to mind are witches and old ladies. am i socialized? prissy? ignant? HELP!!

in other news, i have spent mmmm several hours now in a bar at the denver airport. thats always fun…am trying to see if i can get on a direct flight blah blah

so the real thing is, i am so fucking excited about this ruckus job. i mean, the opportunities/ challenges already abound. the position of executive director is a deep one. its one thing to have a vision for every aspect of an organization, that is this deep feeling of infatuation and awe…to actually be in a position to implement it all is something else entirely, something wonderful and frightening akin to marriage, finding a work/life partner. mostly wonderful, because the folks i am working with are so talented and capable. but i have to catch myself sometimes like – is what i just said executive directorly or totally unacceptable? or am i just gonna be the best adrienne i can be at all times?

here are some photos of the lovely people i spent the week with at this indigenous people’s power project training (cy, hannah, lily, satya and marty with the some folks from the colorado american indian movement):

Dsc01909Dsc01860Dsc01881Dsc01908Dsc01902

more to come…oh and here’s the snowstorm we were caught up in:

Dsc01865Dsc01867

no joke fall down if you’re wearing cute boots type snow.

i wrote an amazon review for bryant’s book grub – have y’all got yo copies yet? GRAB GRUB! www.eatgrub.com

wow…somehow 7 hours have passed! let me go try to hustle this journey. heads up – kyung-ji has started crafting a goodbye party for my may 13th…open your calendars and spread the word…

snowed in!

I got snowed into colorado mountains! Its so beautiful, but oooh scary coming up the mountain in the dark, pretty deer chillin out…hopefully no more snowfall tonight tho, its time to fly home. Now, off to protest newmont for their dirty gold practices, check out www.stopnewmont.org

All my love!