‘i have now a little secret, and it is all mine.
im not sure i’ll keep it, and if it’s free, it is all fine’

i am so happy.

i don’t know what it feels like to realize you are pregnant, but i think it might feel something like i feel right now. i feel really happy, really aligned, really centered, really loved and loving.

there’s a song called “decompose” by op swamp 81 which sounds kind of like it feels inside me. like the letting go of all that isn’t joyful and sacred and balanced in life.

when i go around the world lately, people smile at me and eventually realize that at least for the moment they could be happy, they could smile.

this has distinctly increased since i decided to opt out of the negative-news cycle. it’s not just news, its a whole way of approaching the world. now, i was slipping by the end of this last 12 day facilitation/event period, not enough sleep and meditation to maintain my perspective. its not like some happy go lucky thing. the world is real, its TRAGIC, and i am in it. there are tragic-tragic things happening, and where i can contribute to them i do so. there are tragic-funny things happening like skip gates getting arrested in his house and reminding folks that racism is measured by what is happening to the LEAST privileged, not the MOST privileged…there are tragic things happening that cannot be changed. and then there is everything else, which i feel absolutely in charge of my perspective on, and completely free from trying to control.

but then there’s something else guiding me right now. i don’t think we were put on this planet to react to the behavior, or scandals, or limitations, or evil, or unbearable pain of others. even if we react with wit and cleverness! i think we were put on this planet to create something magnificent, something we yearn for and can’t comprehend. in each moment.

now i feel all this yearning in me, and all this direction, and i don’t feel the doubts i have felt so often in my life. i want to move forward in my life, act and think in a forward direction, stand in ‘forward-stance’.

i think this has to do with being around my nephew and seeing how learning should look.

it’s like that – the economy, and the world, falling down and standing up, moving forward and tripping back and then leaping up up up. i don’t think of movement as being politically right at one moment when everything is constantly changing. i think of movement as learning to MOVE with each other, flow like the water that we are, do Love with each other, spiral upwards beyond our own imagining.