inner thoughts

I thought somebody somewhere might appreciate this. I am cracking myself up inside :-) This is a mini-collection of inner thoughts during my doctor interactions. (Specifically the drs, cuz the nurses are super awesome and my best advocates)

1. Them: Does this hurt?
Me: A little bit.
Inner Thought: Stop stab-punching me.

2. Them: Did you cut yourself on a clamshell/sleep in a bed with fecal matter/get bitten by a rodent?
Me: No, no, and not to my knowledge.
Inner thought: I would have mentioned that one of the first 13 times I explained what happened.

3. Them: You know, this might be a reaction to a spider bite. Which wouldn’t be impacted by the anti-biotics we’ve been giving you…
Me: Really?
Inner Thought: Really?? Not the same kind of spider bite I told you it was when I first arrived three days ago and showed you the bite marks I hope.

4. Them: Draining abcess, could lose arm, liquid pocket under flesh.
Me: Riiighht.
Inner Thought: Lalallalalalla, I can’t hear you!

5. Them: How is the pain?
Me: It’s pretty intense around the blisters and bites and the new red areas, when the meds wear off I can really feel a LOT.
Inner Thought: Give. Me. The. Medicine.

6. Them: Here is breakfast/lunch/dinner!
Me: Thank you!
Inner Thought: The nausea isn’t from the meds, is it?

7. Them: We’re going to have to keep you another night.
Me: Aw shucks…I am supposed to facilitate/work/travel tomorrow…
Inner Thought: I did not get this awesome haircut to sit in this hospital! Also…I am only staying here because it feels like my arm will fall off when I don’t get my meds.

8. Them: Now, tell me exactly what happened.
Me: Well, I arrived in Philly on Wednesday, and Thursday woke up with pain in my arms, by midday 7-9 bites were visible, several with double puncture wounds. I iced it, used hydrocortizone, baking soda paste, and lavender essential oil, but by Friday it was horribly swollen and I was tricked into coming to hospital where y’all checked me in.
Inner Thought: Please write this down and feel free to take pictures to go with the story and then share that with your colleagues, and I will just sleep. Ok?

9. Them: Did you have a bowel movement today?
Me: No/Yes.
Inner Thought: Has it come to this? So soon?

10. Them: Sorry hon, we have to give you an IV/take some more blood. Lets find a vein.
Me: Ouch. Ow. Ooh. That doesn’t feel right. Ouch.
Inner Thought: (actually can’t hear thought, as brain and body are screaming and arching away from pain of 11th vein poke in 3 days)

2 Responses to “inner thoughts”


  1. 1 tchaiko

    wow adrienne now i know why your in the hospital
    i can’t believe you can still type write be brilliant through all of this
    you are super amazing girl!
    keeping you in my thoughts, and hope the dr.s figure out whats going on with you so you can get cured and leave the hospital.
    glad love’s got your back!

    sending hugs and well wishes.

    ciao ciao
    t

  2. 2 julia

    omg this was funny! i hope you feel better soon soon and that the doctors figure out how to help you. sending healing your way

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