we are also the shadow

visual from APOD app…let this suffice moongazing curiosity! chani advises us not to go look at or absorb this moon – cleanse and purge!

we are infinite
fractal
timeless

when blood spills
we are the wounded place
the sensitive scar tissue
protecting life
from death
until death

we are tattooed
by grief
that love language
our rage and our weeping
show where we fester
where the fight is

that bile, that grime in the fold
that stench
that’s a warning
there’s a standard
we still need to set

we cannot stagnate for long

we are the river
we are the droplets that
spill through the soil
to quench at the root

we are overflowing
your structures
your cons
feel our pounds
your borders so waterlogged
and fragile

we the seep
we the slow creep of holy flood
through your ceiling
the rising rapid tide within
each liberating question
rushing under every skin

we are the deepest place
the light cannot reach us
unless we choose
the mountain path for an age
it’s all archipelago
to us

we ancient

we the patient ones
we carve our fury
with knives made of bones

we are the nightmare
that wakes you to leave
this burning house
but you must recall
we are also the matches

we are the balance
not only the flame in the dark
but each silhouette
against the bright

we are the
spark of life that shines
we are also the shadow

we are everything
you make
live in shadow

you who eat only
sunlight and death

we are underground
we are the dirt
we know who we go home to
we are not lost
we cannot lose
we know death is a portal
we are the black hole
through which all life must
burst

we know life is a miracle
we who
spin on an axis
pulsing like a heart
we
still
beat

we go pray in the dark
we know
where god lives

but tonight
we just shadow on sunlight
eyes closed
against the glare

(hear it read aloud on ig)

lessons from a lunar eclipse

(i am a cheap expert on the stars – at some point i stopped buying gossip magazines and put my attention on stars that felt more authentic and reliable, more capable of holding the weight of my projections. i now say things about the stars and other celestial bodies with gravitas, but i am often corrected by my smarter friends. this caveat is to say that what follows is all feeling more than knowing.)

last night was a lunar eclipse and a super wolf blood full moon, aka a bloody howling supreme lunar happening. i learned (at the intersection of multiple websites and listening to what others learned on the internet) that it’s about truly letting go of patterns that don’t serve, about release at the level of system, about making room for something that cannot coexist with that shriveled up rotten moldy crusty whatever that i am dragging along behind me. time to kondo my soul.

so i looked up and i listened for what it is time to release. i learned some things in the watching that feel like clues, if not answers.


(howling bloody lunar wow, rural mn, 1/20/19 11:16pm)

– the moon eclipsed in shadow is gray, quiet, murky, briefly reddish. it looks like it is resting. i am reminded of its passive, orbital nature.

– the moon is not doing anything. not covering up, not unveiling, not demanding. unlike me, the moon’s life isn’t much changed by brief and total shadow.

– to us humans, the moon eclipsed in shadow is dramatic headline material with awesome names…even though it was more dazzling an hour before in super bright fullness. why are we so drawn to the drama of reduced light?

– the body that casts the shadow is not made of shadow. it’s just earth. i often think this is the case between humans…one complex system casts shadows or shines light on another, while being neither darkness nor light.

– but when you’re looking up at something that hurts, it can look like a shadow monster. back lit, broken, the illusion can be confusing. this makes me think that i don’t believe in monsters amongst humans. i believe in shattered spirits, and in souls that get stuck/lost in shadow, and then want to shadow everything.

– this is why, as a mediator, i choose space over punishment every time. space to stop harm, space to look at, release and claim our own shadows.

– and i choose love over pain when i can. pain doesn’t stop or resolve pain. love is what heals – love of self, love from others who see the shadows, love of how we survive. love invites us to occupy the universe, not just some cage of our worst moments.

– i can’t ignore that i am in the martin luther king jr holiday season, reflecting on love, at the edge of saying only light can drive out the darkness you can’t carry. but of course. he was a moon, he held brightness.

– i have been thinking a lot about how to make distinctions between beings and our behavior. in real time, how can i not get confused between the who and the how?

– and, if a being is committed to a certain behavior, and that behavior casts shadows, what are the options? we are not in orbit, we do not have to continue the dance. sometimes we must ask each other to move in massive ways, sometimes we must go around the sun to get to the light, sometimes we are unable.

– you may have noticed i identify with the moon, even though i’m part of the shadow on her face tonight. my work as a facilitator/mediator is often that deep reflection. what beauty is in this darkness? how much light can you handle being? look how bright you are. but always half dark, or more.

– i am generally comfortable holding the dark. i believe it is the balance of light and dark that makes our world miraculous and dynamic. and since light is the anomaly of this universe, perhaps we all need to be comfortable with/in the dark.

– i hold brightness, too. but i think it’s a reflective work, catching and sharing the light of sun creatures like octavia butler, grace lee boggs, audre lorde, ursula le guin, mlk, toni cade bambara and other bright beaming beings. as i write that, i can also see how they caught and shared the light of their teachers. some light is as old as the tao, some as old as a humanish god. and some light is much older than that.

– this moon is telling me to notice every shadow on my face, accept my own darkness, emerge from any shadow that isn’t mine, surrender to the cycle of light and dark, and, when my time comes, be unapologetically bright.


(superfull af moon through branches, 1/21/19, 6:48am)