Tag Archive for 'm4bl'

love love love

i believe we are living on the precipice of the next phase of our species. and i’m with such good people, people who cry hard and laugh harder. and do one to move through the other, rolling across the full emotional span in epic waves. we feel what’s gaping and yawning underneath both of those releases, that scale of lovegrief that can’t be captured in any words i know…we let it be in our eyes, at our core.

the more i learn/remember how to feel, the more in love i fall with the particular aliveness that only sparks between us. that met longing felt when the interior world unfolding in me comes to a border and longs to be porous, expansive, vast, one, multitudes. this opening, these moments, this work, this makes a viable future possible.

today i remembered a song i was taught over a decade ago:

“oh i say thank you
oh i say thank you
oh great spirits
in this way
i long to give my life to you
in love and devotion
in love and devotion”
(this was taught to me as a gwitch’in song from haida gwaii)

even now, especially now, with a mask over my mouth and a storm at my back, i am learning what i must realize in myself, what i must defend and protect, what i must cultivate in the face of fear and death and supremacy: love, love, love.

black august haikus, week 4

here is my last batch of #blackaugust575 haikus, haiku clusters. i’m so grateful for this month of practice in community. these are dedicated to the 31 prisoners i wrote letters to this month, to their lives and sacrifices.

I don’t want to see
sand eyes, blood pounding my head
we are all mirrors

I leap but don’t fly
close my eyes sipping lakeside
dancing the red light

you are a whole lie
you made of bricks and iron
I am a vapor

I am a rainbow
I’m a fucking miracle
I’m a tomorrow

we’re blocking the sun
small and so holy, magic
irresistible

– #blackaugust #blackaugust575 #charlottesville

I have all I need
My freedom runs all through me
Pounding out my heart

I have all I need
I’m the answer to a dream
That slipped through shackles

I have all I need
In the love of my people
And my solitude

I have all I need
Deep sleep, hard work, these love notes
And this gratitude

– #blackaugust575, #blackaugust #generatingabundance

most humans are trash
most of our long precious lives
faulty miracles

bars don’t mean a thing
the worst of us don’t get caught
never get punished

shit don’t work no way
what we deny of ourselves
becomes our prison

we must see ourselves
beyond the stench, shame and guilt:
the small beautiful

the sliver of good
the seed dropped in the garbage
that calls it compost

the bud that opens
bursts through the treacherous dirt
to stunt for one day

or the breathless kiss
that reaches through the madness
one taste of true love

or the crescent moon
of black people, surviving
knowing we are light

in this big strange world
where even trash has beauty
nothing is wasted

– #blackaugust #blackaugust575 #watchinghumansandhurricanes

I have no children
just scars across my belly
where spirit tried it

I love children tho
whichever womb they spring from
I make worlds for them

in each prisoner
a small child, a beloved
still yearns to be held

– #blackaugust #blackaugust575 #scars

there are no answers
there is only mystery
only tomorrow

we made it this far
for the entire future
we’ll show up again

love is this table
wrapped around with black women
who keep showing up

love’s a movement child
passed from auntie lap to lap
face soft with laughter

we pick up our load
carry it all our lifetimes
blessing in the heft

– #blackaugust #blackaugust575 #m4bl

cast protection spells
all around our broken hearts
the journey is long

call on the river
move between us, move through us
take these tears to sea

and when the flood comes
let’s make islands of ourselves
somewhere there’s a shore

cast protection spells
our fire is still so young
living on our prayers

– #blackaugust575 #blackaugust #ants #interdependence #spellsforanewamerica

I miss your poems
comrades warriors my loves
I need your poems

– #blackaugust575 #blackaugust

sweetest beloveds
thank you for all your poems
black August for life

we do not forget
our comrades behind the wall
we’ll never forget

– #blackaugust575 #blackaugust

what are you a fight for?

i wrote a story this weekend that brought me joy. actually it brought me creative ecstasy. it came at a time when i have been hurting, for lots of reasons, many of them connected to collective black and brown grief. in that pain, i have had the opportunity to create, and to lean on people, and be leaned on.

all this vulnerability and vision has brought to light a practice i have been in – being a fight FOR, instead of (or in addition to) a fight against.

i most recently heard this way of speaking about things in one of the somatics courses i was student-teaching, like ‘how can we be a fight for each other?’

i kind of got it – to be moving forward and advancing, instead of always on the defensive.

but the longer i sit with it, in deep relationship with family, friends and lovers, the more i see that it is a series of small choices and actions that pile up into that forward motion. and, as always, it all unfolds in nonlinear concurrent layers and levels of transformation.

it requires first and foremost being a fight for myself – what do i long for? what do i know i deserve? what do i need? how am i going to fight for myself?

being in a fight for myself has led me to be honest about what makes me feel happy, strong, like i am realizing my miraculous potential. it has led me deep onto my writing and healing paths, led me to develop emergent strategy in response to non-profit organizational trauma, to reexamine my food practices, to ask for what i am worth, to surround myself with woes.

i’ve also looked at my friendships and relationships, asking myself how can i be a fight for my loved ones? this means not just listening to them, but listening for the truth within them, listening for what they are longing for, for what they know they deserve, for what they need. and showing up with them in that fight for their dignity, life, health, joy, self-realization.

this month was the one year anniversary of my friend charity hicks passing. while revisiting the fierce and glorious energy she walked with, while touching again my grief for her, i learned that juan evans, an incredible black trans organizer i’ve gotten to know and hold over the past couple of years through black organizing and somatics work, had transitioned from this life. both of them are incredible examples of the next level of fighting for – being a fight for our people, for our species.

in early june i witnessed juan in that brave and beautiful fight for himself, his dignity and that of black trans people. juan told us that ‘when we fight, we win’. before she died, charity issued us the guidance to ‘wage love’.

i want to embody the fight for my people with a passion that honors both of these beloveds.

this past weekend as i was writing my story, which is about a black goddess addicted to eating racism, i got to watch from afar as the movement for black lives gathered the most brilliant and fearless black minds in this country together. what i saw and read about was the creation of a black utopian space for collective grieving, remembrance, honoring, celebrating, narrative shifting, dancing, singing, centering…and then protecting each other when cleveland cops encroached on that sacred space. i am, again, so glad to be alive and awake at this moment as black people fight for our dignity to be recognized, our lives to matter.

there is so much to fight against, so many people who want us to cower and shrink, or, when we fight, to fight defensively, in isolation, against each other, to confirm some degrading concept of self, of blackness, that has nothing to do with black people, with evolving in our human purpose.

but it feels like we are realizing that the way to do that is to fortify ourselves so that we can source from our longings, health, love, dreams and visions, from our strength and our connections with each other. at an individual level, i feel like a rolling rock, gathering speed in the direction of freedom. at a collective level, i feel we are becoming a formidable people at a time when nothing less will do.

so when i see you? all i want to know is: what are you a fight for?