the future of children

before She spoke She dashed a hand into the water and pulled out a fish shining with rainbows, limp and stunned by Her touch. She flicked it whole into Her mouth, then pulled out, by the tail, a skeleton, fragile bones clear of flesh, which she returned to the water.

then She said:

love is never a mistake

a lesson
a force of life
a becoming tomorrow
a preparation for self
a landing in divine purpose
yes

never a mistake

love makes the miracle

never in obligation, we know: cause we got to continue
or we want a son
or we already with child so oh well
or cause it’s what people do
or we just lonely

we can make miracles but
it can’t be so much work
please do better

love is always abundant –
we can nurture everyone
who comes in love

but these days
we struggle to nurture our obligations
our shoulds and ‘posed tos
our abandoned experiments
our too-scared-to-do-otherwises
our i-didn’t-thinks

it is a calling, creation

do we love the heart beating in the womb
do you love feeding life from your own miraculous body
do i love dreaming up ways to comfort the inarticulate wailing
do we love the future
love shaping life for survival
love letting go while holding on

all that love is what grants the miracle
the days it is meant to have
and only those days
only as good as our giving

i know those who
survive without love
carve out of themselves
a new heart
press rhythm into it

are they regrets? tch
are you looking backwards? tch

we have no regrets
we have offered our Self to all of them
and now we are looking forward
at our own aging body
diminishing with time
and resilient and fecund
and sacred and willing
and we are saying: only love will survive

love is the only significant factor
in the next stage of evolution

we are beyond the purely biological now
we begin to see that love
is of the body,
and can make of the body
any necessary reality
parenting is not a ticking clock
it is forever
as are we

and still, We mature

the answer is: who do we love
and how?
bring love forward
and sustain it
and we will sustain you

early morning thinking

just woke up from a series of dreams. i dreamt i was watching diane lane in a horror movie where there was a man in the house, she could sense him and had to get out of the house. it was very scary, but didn’t end there. she got downstairs to the street and he came running out behind her and was threatening her, seemed crazy. then it got kind of ridiculous. she grabbed his arm to hold him in place for a trash truck to hit him, and it swerved. then her neighbor kanisha popped up from pruning the bushes and diane told her to cut off his arm but the pruning scissors were too worn down. he got less and less scary and more sort of laughable hi-jinx.

as i lay (lie, laid?) here, i was thinking how life is often like that. something unknown can seem so terrifying, and then when it has actually happened, or you’ve faced it, or accepted that it may never happen, the threat can become smaller and approachable, even humorous.

in another dream i was in a multilevel house overrun by puppies and children, and i picked up one adorable creature and realized it was my niece. i don’t have a niece but this was clearly a niece of mine. the puppies were showing up because I had dinner last night at the home of someone who had 18 outdoor cats, 6 indoor, and 3 dogs, all boxers, 2 puppies. the boxer puppies were amazing, especially the runt. squished square faces, slender bodies, long legs and massive monster paws which gave away their futures. (this pic is closest to what i was dealing with) i wanted to steal the puppy and bring it home. but i only wanted to play with it in puppy phase. i’m like that with kids too, preferring them to what they become (adults). i was excited to dream-preview my niece, and i have LOVED getting to know my perfect and brilliant nephew, but that hasn’t start some ticking in me for my own kid.

i have been thinking that the period of populating the planet, of that being a mission of ours, might have come full cycle. that now we may actually have enough people, and producing children doesn’t have to remain the sole defining possibility of a loving partnership. there was a time when there were barely any people on the planet, and it seemed imperative to populate, to not risk extinction with small numbers. we created religious parables and mythologies to support this need, to drive us by fear and faith to procreate, to believe any relationship not based on breeding was unholy.

now things are shifting. our numbers are not necessarily more than the planet can provide for, but so far our numbers have stumped us. we haven’t been able to get the species excited about a better distribution of resources, about participating in large scale sustainability and justice efforts. so maybe its time for a new mythology, a second coming, modern prophets in each of the major religions. we don’t trust our own eyes, we need to be told. the message: babies are cute, but we need lots of same-sex gardening couples at the moment. we need immaculate gardens. the meek and chic shall inherit the dirt.

and i promise, in that new world of faith and belief systems, to be the most amazing auntie ever to the children that are brought into the world as intentionally and sustainably as possible.

speaking of, i met two beautiful women in bermuda who are both part of a movement for home births, midwifery and challenging the assumption that birth must be a medicated, hospitalized affair. both of the women had the kind of smiles that should welcome children into the world.

i also met a very brave group of folks who are organizing against discrimination of gay people here in bermuda. their effort is called two words and a comma, and they want “sexual orientation” added to the list of who is covered by the human rights act. hopefully our training will support their efforts, while we connect them to folks organizing around gay rights in the u.s.

enough writing, looks like the sun is out!