i am a writer writing in the woods

i haven’t brushed my hair since i arrived. i have taken epsom salt baths and two-headed showers. i have to remind myself to brush my teeth, and something about this pleases me, the hermit-nature of it. i am a virgo, this is extra. i have left the house twice, both times to walk to the nearest body of water and listen to it, the waves lapping song against the shore. looking among the ducks for the giant swans that i see bobbing there each morning. today i saw one in the late afternoon light – it looked like it was my size, so i said ‘hey thick ass swan, looking good’!

i have written for about 24 hours now, with daily dance breaks. am i delirious? only with pleasure. pun intended, but i only expect those in the know to get my drift.

please don’t ask me where i am, i appreciate feeling like there is some mystery about all of this. when i want people to know where i am, i geotag myself and scream it from the mountaintops. but right now i appreciate the solitude, even if it is mythological, or generated only from my boundaries. boundaries are life’s work! i love boundaries. this whole paragraph is a boundary, do you feel my joy?

i have been practicing not looking at incoming requests, and deflecting folks when work comes through personal channels. it’s hard and i am doing it.

the things that come through are only things that do not wait – things that make me cry instantly, an assassination, the death of someone fabulous, a new cancer, an older one, a heartbreak or two, a grief cycle.

in the face of the massive and melancholy, i appreciate how clear and small the editing process feels, how instinctive and nourishing the weaving of these pleasure tales feels. writing, total writing, is an erotic experience for me. i feel so alive.

i removed social media from my mobile devices (instagram is not social media, it’s like hbo) and yet the web of superconnection is like moana’s sea, it calls me! so i am being patient in the withdrawal, noticing each time i go out of my way to plug in, and what i actually need.

at least it is still a choice. (suspicion voice tho)

the soundtrack so far is Joi, Lizzo, DRAM, and Prince. the number one snack is homemade kale chips, tied with a homemade honey peanut butter.

happy new moon. hope to sleep soon. <3

procrastination post 38: talk to me

hi.

what you doing?

oh right, hence being here.

me? i am procrastinating. i am on a writing retreat, working on my novel.

well the best part is i am by the ocean, so i just write and swim and do yoga and eat.

yeah, but i’ve hit the day where i just want to sleep all day instead and every time i open my computer i last ten minutes before coming up with some distraction.

i love writing. but novels are hard – this is my first whole thing and it is kind of working, but also kind of like aaaaggggghhhh what IS this? what was i THINKING? so many words but where do they all GO?

thank god for scrivener.

yeah i guess its part of my process when i write fiction. nonfiction is like…here are thoughts from my brain, you like? but fiction is like, 20 people are trying to tell a story from a near future parallel magical realm reached only through my brain, and they all think they are the star.

it’s been a little self helpy/serious over here the last few posts so i wanted to bring some levity. i even wrote a post while i was high that was a list of blog ideas that came to me when i was high.

eh. it was funny while i was high but then i read it again and it was only aight.

it doesn’t help that the novel is all about grief – its hard to stay in the depth of it, to see the magic in it.

fucking social media and news. every time i look away someone dies or we lose something we can’t afford to lose.

good question…well, usually i am in a place with less wifi access.

you mean self-regulate it?

but the world is changing so rapidly – i need to keep up.

i approach it like everything i write is my resistance.

right. you’re right. it will keep changing. after this retreat i will be facilitating lots of people who will get us through all of this. they give me hope.

i should just get back to it and write.

ok. thank you – this was helpful. i mean sorry if it didn’t help you but…writers have to be selfish sometimes.

ok. love you.

til soon.