i can’t sleep

so here’s a chat i just had with ibrahim abdul matin who i asked to help me think of a reason to go to sleep, and then a gnostic creation tale that makes me happy and which i am going to attempt to artistically render for my friend sofia: 

salihmatin1@mac.comits almost daylight and you’re not a vampire
lusciousmsbrown: true
lusciousmsbrown: i’m so tired, but i keep not sleeping at night
salihmatin1@mac.comits called insomnia
lusciousmsbrown: ah
salihmatin1@mac.commany of us have it
salihmatin1@mac.combut deny it and say we are night owls
lusciousmsbrown: true
salihmatin1@mac.comhow are you?
salihmatin1@mac.comcheers to smily faces
lusciousmsbrown: i have been going on many dates and having lots of energy
salihmatin1@mac.comdates, eh?
salihmatin1@mac.comyou coo them with the shisha? 
lusciousmsbrown: i coo? everyone with shisha  
lusciousmsbrown: i think i am sitting up because of big decisions and realizations in my
salihmatin1@mac.comwhat are the realizations?
lusciousmsbrown: oh everything from what i believe to how i make love to what i want to
what i don’t want to maybe where i want to go…
salihmatin1@mac.comanything specific jumping out at you?
lusciousmsbrown: yes. i want to get paid just to write.
lusciousmsbrown: i want to write political erotic science fiction and draw the pictures
to go with it 
salihmatin1@mac.comyou rock
lusciousmsbrown: i keep talking to this british muslim man and thinking i want to learn islam   – i think the interest is not him but the path to god
salihmatin1@mac.comyou’d be a catch
salihmatin1@mac.comif you were muslim
salihmatin1@mac.comto muslims
lusciousmsbrown:  i feel like that is in a way god saying come find me this way.
salihmatin1@mac.comadrienne… you realize that this is the time of night when
revelation DOES happen

lusciousmsbrown: have u ever read the gnostic creation myths btw? very beautiful. am i
always wowing you, or do you just say wow to everyone? 
salihmatin1@mac.comand very close to fajr, the first prayer…
salihmatin1@mac.comyou often do
salihmatin1@mac.comand yes, i have read some gnostic creations s


salihmatin1@mac.comvery fascinating
lusciousmsbrown: well then. i am being revealed everything at night th


days. the last three nights i have awoken
at like 5 with clear dreams in my head which manifested in the day, i am trying
to be ok with it and not expect it
salihmatin1@mac.comsomething is shifting my dear
lusciousmsbrown: indeed. i thought it was purely my sexual energy, but i was wrong. i
feel like if folks could see my aura it would look like
lusciousmsbrown: a glowing thing, with fizzures of a much brighter light coming through
all over, particularly around the head and sacrum.
salihmatin1@mac.comits def not just sexual nRg
lusciousmsbrown: nothing ever ends up being that
lusciousmsbrown: that’s just what i always turn to in my head for comfort
lusciousmsbrown: lol
salihmatin1@mac.comi am amazed at how well you know yourself, you are in
constant state of reflection…

salihmatin1@mac.comcomfort is what we humans love
lusciousmsbrown: i love to think about how humans operate, and the closest lense i have
is myself. i’m gonna be in the bay soon for baby’s wedding and spin academy btw. 
salihmatin1@mac.comwho’s baby?
lusciousmsbrown: college roommate
salihmatin1@mac.comnice, sign o’ the times
lusciousmsbrown: marriage is happening all around me, marriage and break up, heart
wrecks and new buzzing love.
lusciousmsbrown: i have been so fortunate in flirtation that i have started to matchmake
others for all types of unions.
salihmatin1@mac.comthe cycle of it is interesting… what is fascinating is that
we never actually lose hope

salihmatin1@mac.comwe (communal we) keep pluggin away at it
lusciousmsbrown: what good is a network and a deep belief in love if you don’t generate
love in the network. we – come close to losing hope don’t we? but those of us
who value the whole lesson are tireless and fearless, aren’t we.
salihmatin1@mac.comyou ask questions with answers inbedded in them like a

lusciousmsbrown: i love this conversation.
lusciousmsbrown: so glad i got up from non-sleeping to look into the universe through
this window at this moment!
salihmatin1@mac.comlook into the universe through this window — poetic!
 lusciousmsbrown: dear god please let me go into space
lusciousmsbrown: i am almost done with the ultimate hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, and
am feeling re


ably earth bound, limited by three
dimensions, by linear time.
salihmatin1@mac.comyes, yes…
 lusciousmsbrown: ok darling
lusciousmsbrown: i am going to try and read myself to sleep
salihmatin1@mac.comALLAH wanted us to talk
this morning…

salihmatin1@mac.comi send blessings your way…
lusciousmsbrown: will you give me lessons sometime?
lusciousmsbrown: learnings about allah
salihmatin1@mac.cominshallah (God willing)
salihmatin1@mac.comindeed, it would be a pleasure
lusciousmsbrown: ok – i’ll try to think of something comparable to god to give you as
salihmatin1@mac.comi look forward
salihmatin1@mac.comhelp me get published with fiction someday…
lusciousmsbrown: i met someone tonight
lusciousmsbrown: who publishes fiction
lusciousmsbrown:  i will introduce y’all when next
you come to nyc
salihmatin1@mac.comsee, like i said, i think you have the means right in front
of you…

salihmatin1@mac.comwe both do
lusciousmsbrown: lol
lusciousmsbrown: life is actually ALWAYS like that
lusciousmsbrown: any path could unfold before you if you wished it
lusciousmsbrown: anything in the world is yours if you want it
lusciousmsbrown: thats how i live, and i get everything i need, plus abundance
salihmatin1@mac.comand this time right now is when the angels are especially
looking out for you

salihmatin1@mac.comsleep tight
lusciousmsbrown: i will love. thank you!

AND HERE IS SOME GNOSTIC CREATION FOR YOU – this beautiful beautiful writing was discovered by sofia, who also discovered all the nobel prize winner’s speeches online and regularly sends them to us. note – we’ve all known sofia = wisdom since we met her, this is just cherries or whatever other toppings you prefer on that knowledge:

It seems that once there was only the Fore-Creation, invisible,
without form or gender, all-pervasive, filling the depths and heights of what
was and which, desiring to manifest an inward potential gave birth to many holy
dyads…that is, pairs, the first of which were the Abyss and Fore-thought. Then
a desire arose in Fore-thought and it meditated on Silence who conceived and
gave birth to twins: the first visible female form called Truth and the first
visible male form called Mind, in turn they together gave birth to Life and
Word…Life was the form-mother of the Pleroma and Word was the form-father of
those manifest within the Pleroma. The Pleroma is the fullness of the spiritual
world, uninfluenced by matter, energy or light.

Many other dyads were born, called Aeons, or sacred powers, the last of which
was the divine Sophia, or Holy Wisdom. Of all the Aeons, the divine Sophia
desired most intensely to know the origins of Her own creation, that is, the
nature of the Fore-Creator. Though Mind told Her that such knowledge was
impossible, nevertheless, Sophia began to search high and low, after Mind was
restrained by Silence. None of the Aeons comprehended the Fore-Creation other
than Truth whose perfect reflection was a transparent presence invisible to
Sophia. She separated Herself from Her consort, ranged the vastness of the
uncreated Immensity, and far out- distanced all the other Aeons.

Sensing her separation from the other Aeons, and lacking a clear knowledge of
the Fore-Creator, She felt pain and sorrow, She wept and grieved deeply, She
desired with all Her Heart to comprehend the vast, unending totality of the
Fore-Creator, also called the Abyss. But the Abyss was vast beyond
comprehending, and Her sorrow increased and Her passions flowed out of Her in
waves and She risked utter dissolution into the Abyss as She radiated forth a
turbulence into the stillness of Immensity. Then, suddenly, She encountered
Horos, the Limit, Boundary, and understood that the Fore-Creation was
unknowable, holy and profound, beyond the comprehension of Mind, Word or even
Truth. This was the First Gnosis.

But now, the manifestations of Her intentions and passions remained as viable
presences in the Immensity, they overflowed the Pleroma and began to take on a
more substantive appearance. Sophia beheld these manifestations, the
consequences of Her passions, and was again stirred with grief, fear,
uncertainty and sorrow because She understood that these were the manifestations
of Her own ignorance concerning the Fore-creation. A dim, barely light-like haze
began to appear, first manifestation in the Primal Void, the concatenation of
passion and desire unfulfilled, slowly evolving into manifest forms–the
stirrings of light, energy and chaos.

All the Aeons together were concerned about the appearance of Chaos and so
they, with the divine Sophia, prayed in depth and a new dyad was manifested:
Christos and the Holy Spirit, his female counterpart. Together, they calmed the
Aeons and soothed their fears, also instructing them in the unknowableness of
the Fore-Creation while simultaneously revealing to them the inner unity,
harmony and illumination of the Pleroma–this was the Second Gnosis. Yet, the
haze and proto-forms of Chaos remained and among these emerging forms was an
image of Sophia, called the Lower Wisdom, for She had divided Herself in the
passion of her search and now, the Lower Wisdom abided in the midst of

This Lower Wisdom desired to return and be united with Her own Higher Self,
rather than remain trapped in Her passions and desires and when She felt the
emmanations of the Holy Spirit and the Christos, when they manifest their
healing and harmony within the Pleroma, She began to seek a way to return to the
primal harmony and illumination of the Second Gnosis. And when Lower Wisdom
discovered that She was bound by Limit and could not return or ascend to the
Pleroma, She once again grieved and sorrowed. And from this second grief, from
the waves and energy of that sorrow, the first material substances began to
form, divide and align themselves in patterns of light, dimness and darkening
matter. Then the Aeons together ask the Christos to assist the Lower Sophia and
He manifested in the lower world of proto-matter as Yeshu’a, and soothed Her and
comforted Her and revealed to Her all the many luminous beings that manifested
in the Void as their spiritual companions.

But the proto-matter of the Void was now mixed with passion, desire and
sorrow, and the luminous lights of the Void were the spiritual presences
inherent to the newly forming matter, inherent to each and every elemental
substance, the combinations and the consequent appearances. Thus the spiritual
qualities of matter are the inherent emmanations of Wisdom stimulated through
the manifestation of Christos and the Holy Spirit. And Wisdom was reunited with
Her own Higher Self, and perceiving the holiness of the manifestation, and
seeing clearly both the psychic and material character of those manifestations,
gave birth to one last entity–called "Father of the Material Realm" or the
Maker and creator of the Lower Visible Realms.

This Father God created then, seven realms, each more material than the last,
until finally this human world was formed and the beings of this world rose and
walked, crawled or flew through the skies. But the Father God was vain and
jealous, angry and forbidding, not knowing the power of the higher Aeons, nor of
the Pleroma, nor even of his own Mother, the Divine Sophia. And when the Divine
Sophia instructed him and opened his mind to Truth, he was amazed and refused to
divulge these mysteries to those of his own creation. Being a god of the
material, social and psychic order, it was not possible for him to be a teacher
of the higher mysteries, and Sophia was dismayed by his wrath, anger and
jealousy. So when he created the first human beings, She was there and secretly,
without his knowing, She gave to them the gift of the Holy Spirit as a divine
spark in every human heart.

And it is said, that in the Garden of Eden, created by the lower Father God,
that Eve was the manifestation of the Lower Wisdom and that the serpent or snake
of the tree, was actually the Christos who urged Eve to eat the Fruit of the
Tree of Knowledge that she might attain the true Gnosis or knowledge of her
origins and realize the Higher Sophia in perfect illumination and bliss. But the
Father God, discovering that this secret teaching was disturbing his supremacy
in the lower realms grew angry and cast them out of the garden and into the
suffering of the world. Yet each and every descendent has this spark and the
potential to recover the true Gnosis.

It is also said that it was for this reason that the Christos manifest as a
human being, to bring the gift of the Holy Spirit, in all its female power and
capacity, to liberate those who cast free from the illusions of the material and
psychic realms and to ascend through visions of power and knowledge to the
Higher Gnosis, to reunite the lower and higher self, to attain to visionary
truth and perfect transparency. The Divine Sophia is the manifest presence of
that vision, and this tale, one of Her symbolic forms. And the snake, an image
of Higher Wisdom, is a true teacher that reconciles the desires and passions of
knowledge with higher insight, overcomes the limitations of a jealous and
demanding lesser god and transmits the teachings of the Divine Sophia. In this
way, it is said, the faithful attain peace and the passionate, union, holiness
and joy.