day 5

all sorts of thoughts have come to me along this fast. i thought today i would share some of them:

1. thank god for washclothes. people don’t really talk about this, but there are some people who use washcloths (i’m going to alternate between using the e and not using the e – i just can’t decide) and some who don’t. and frankly, there appears to be a racial element to this. anyway, i’ve been using washclothing for some time now and yet i remember when i used to just push the dirt around on the surface of my body with my hands or the actual bar of soap. i mean…to be honest somedays i get lazy and still do it, but now for the most part i am using wetcloths and loofahs and sugar scrubs and getting clean – my surface is icy. polished. bling bling clean.

2. thank god for spandex. when you are stone cold out of draw(er)s, overdrawn from the bank with no loot in your hand and you’ve been fasting for several days and you want to feel held in the world, nothing can hold you like a pair of spandex ankle-length pants. not quite stirrups, that’s more sofia’s style.

3. thank god for all people who work against hunger. i am doing this for leonard peltier, with the master cleanse, and vitamins and fiber pills and herbal fasting teas and meditation and intention, and i think that might be the only set of circumstances in which this is acceptable. to be forced to have your body this empty, that we let children go to sleep like this, is unacceptable.

4. thank god for friends. i love this knowing of people. being aware i can’t make any quick or unnoticed exits now, i am accountable to love. theirs and my own.

5. the world is going through a period of massive shifting right now, who knows for how long. meditating right now is like getting to a still space within yourself where you can feel the shifting in the world – hurricanes and mudslides, earthquakes and fires and rain, its external. and depression, quiet, anger, questions and desire in people’s hearts, it’s internal. look out for each other, look out for your hearts – are you living your whole life? i think when people aren’t personally on the path they want to be on, however they define it, they lose touch with life, with the reasons for staying. no half-lives now, no settling…we need full contributions.

6. fizzures – i feel like there are fizzures all over and messages are slipping through all bright and clear. watching strangers with candy in the background on comedy central and these commercials keep coming on for www.reopen911.org. i missed this, having no real tv in my room (the cable sucks. i get only bcat and channel 2. across the hall, their picture blinked out last week, according to the boyfriend this morning. he was running around in sweatpants down to his crotch-hair in front of the unaffected new cable guy, who was far less cute than the first one. i may have to go back to rabbit ears). every news channel and humor show is guffawing the nomination of harriet for supreme court. can you see how long the window is for a moment of truth?

7. it’s fall! i LOVE fall. as evans and i have concluded, him first and me in reflection, that i look much better in layers. its also the season for me of possibility, letting go, slowing down, laying down.

that’s all i can share, i have work to do. 🙂 i wish the sun would come out.