the random ??sssss

and now some questions of my own!

1. mr. tiny quick little roach – i keep no food in this house whatsoever, as i travel too often to cook and have no oven or stove on which to cook. so i must ask you, why the fuck are you in my house?

2. dear reproductive organs…historically, how come whenever i have an out of town visitor with whom i want to share special times, you begin the beautiful spiritual and much loved process of menstrual cleansing on the day of said visitor’s arrival? is this a sign? can you possibly more explicit, drop some of that feminine mystique?

3. blog readers – i didn’t know so many of you were into enemas, aka hydracolonics. that’s really special. i’ve heard a lot of exciting stories and now i feel really satisfied with my level of knowledge and i guess what i’m saying is stop now, stop sharing. its all good, i’m glad you’ve found what works for you. totally not a question, just something on my mind.

4. social emergency!! dani and tchaiko are having parties the same night. dani’s is her housewarming party for halloween, and tchaiko’s is her going away party for miami!the question of course is not do i go to both, but rather do i wear the same costume to both or stop by home and change in between? rob breszny said to dress as a butterfly in 9 shades of blue. maybe 4 shades at one and 5 at the other??

5. i had breakfast with my sister autumn this morning, really great times. we talked about how, as military brats, we’ve had to learn the skill of having friends over a long period of time. as kids, when it was about time to get annoyed by your best friend you’d just hug them, pack up your belongings and bounce to another country. have a good life! or at least a positive high school experience! now its like, all nuanced and deep and we both feel all known and its just clear that it takes work, any and all relationships take work. doh! question…what do you do when its time to break up?

6. dear goddess of intricate affairs…why come i am reading this really great book about a man going through rehab, and though i have dabbled with many things and recognize the edges of addiction on many sides of me, why come the only thought that comes up is my most recent heartbreaker? having resolved to not have one more disempowering experience with him (put the crack down) in which he spends my time perusing his life/thoughts/self/future (the drug doesn’t love you, it just wants your attention and commitment! or ANYone and EVERYone else’s!) we are now not speaking (accept what is, just say no, no means no. NO.) and its wonderful (horrible. wonderful. aches. in a good way!). i feel like i can see what actually exists (that drug is self-absorbed, underperforming, and will leave bags under your eyes, make you ashy and completely fuck up your memory!)…dear goddess, tell me one mo’ gain how love and addiction are separate but equal endeavors?

7. why am i so bored with the ny election, and so interested in cali’s special election, and the upcoming elections for louisiana, and the exit stage left of poor played out miers…i can so see her internal monologue – ‘great. i was an accomplished whatever the hell and now i’ll be known as the completely ridiculous nominee of a popularly disappointing trainwreck of a president. awesome god, just awesome.’ why can’t ny politics get mo’ relevant?

8. prezident brown is a reggae artist i got an email flyer for a few years ago and i saved his picture cause he looked so happy and lovely. while in oakland outside a thai restaurant i saw the same picture, but bigger, on a lamppost. i grabbed it down. the concert had passed, and i was gonna have that picture! (some other post may deal with the psychological background to my sense of material entitlement, which catches me off guard since i don’t have much, am anti-crap, but feel like if i want something i am hard pressed to not have it) sofia made me look him up and i didn’t like his music and some pictures showed him to be older than i thought. question…can the love survive reality??

9. am i more dedicated to my computer than i should be?

10. every aspect of who you are is formed before you are two. only children or kids with attentive parents for those two years have the chance to end up like me, wanting double or nothing and never satisfied. i’m glad to know that this, like my propensity towards drinking, men who act foul, my bossy/brattiness and my sense of social justice, all come from my parents. question…does this justify my polyemotionality?

lessons learned this week:

1. when i need to cry and be comforted, i turn into a brat who finds humor in picking on others. its infantile.

2. i might be a taoist. bigtime. will kee y’all posted on this!