ok many things to say:

first of all – to conclude fat girl day, yesterday i was looking at some oils on the street, not touching the table at all, and i hear a voice behind me: "hey big girl, don’t lean too hard on that table!"

now mind you i had been having fat day ALL day, starting with a big insult-based argument with the heartbreaker during which i crossed him off my list of people i know. i crept away without turning around, wishing i could kickbox his FACE in, and then looked at the sky in the way i do when i am thinking:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING DEAL GOD? I AM GOING TO THE GYM AND EATING HEALTHY AND CUTTING BAD THINGS OUT OF MY LIFE ALRIGHT OK!!!!!

ahem.

so but then this morning i go to the gym and my personal trainer, sweet david, was ‘very impressed’ with my week and, out of nowhere, said: "you have an AWESOME body."

who wha-wha hmmm hey who me? i drilled my gaze into the treadmill while that tried to sink into my fat girl brain.

"yeah good genes. like – a GREAT body. you stick with this? you are going to be very happy."

inside adrienne’s head: i love you and i will do anything you say.

several intense weightlifting sessions later, i still felt this way. whenever he asked how do you feel, the answer was great! cause what no one knows is – i can do basically ANYTHING in the WHOLE WORLD on some hope. HOLLA!

in other news – my sister autumn tells me this dude walked into her workplace and said the ny subway system is one of the most vulnerable places in the world for any kind of attack. i am trying to stay calm. and if something happened on like the path train tunnel to jersey, it would flood the entire system. this dude walks into workplaces like my sister’s – which is an interfaith disaster relief spot – all over the city, and no one seems to really care. this is where i have that issue – culture of fear vs culture of reality. stupid stupid stupid gov’t – HELP US.

and, i have been thinking lately that I MISS MICHAEL JACKSON!! like the old michael. i miss him. i miss thriller michael, and baby michael, and even remember the times michael. as they go to sweep out neverland’s empty rooms and turn off the lights, i want to just raise a candle for old michael. are you with me?

its the anniversary week when we first bombed the crap out of iraq, i wrote a political blog for the league – www.indyvoter.org/leaguetalksback – check that out. that’s the backdrop of the depression i have been feeling for some time, one big wall in the house of pain.

i spent a lot of today with dani chale ho commiserating ourselves into a joyful places cause we are both making major moves in our lives and there’s a lot of sadness around it, but then there’s also a lot of excitement and joy and growth! oh i have news for you!! hee hee – next blog…