ok wow, tucked up against the rocky mountains after two days of travel! my sister is flying home today. i can’t believe we made it this far – two hours outside denver last night i started seeing things, visual disturbances, huge rhombus-headed long-armed monsters in the car next door, light tracers – it was crazy. luckily april was driving and she was doing fine. i was her entertainment and provider of food. she got me into understanding the dixie chicks as a complex political phenomenon.

when we finally got to Denver, around 11:30 local time, we pulled into the hotel and parked and came to the room and when we opened up the door, strings started playing a crescendo of joyful luxurious noise, for there before us lay two queen sized beds with thick duvet covers and soft sheets turned down and a wide showerhead to blast hot water. all we said to each other for the next twelve hours was: "oh my god, i love this bed. oh my god. snore."

seriously, april is like an angel sent down from the heavens. she made it possible for me to get too far to turn around without too much time to think about what all was behind me. she asked me great questions to keep me thinking forward. i just put her on the airport shuttle and i feel remarkably alone, but thanks to her perserverance, the distance before me isn’t too great.

my companion for the rest of the trip is Appdd. That is my plant, it was once my sister Autumn’s plant, and I kept it for her for ‘a summer’. When i got the plant she was on the brink of a dusty death. I named her Autumn’s Plant Please Don’t Die. With tender loving water and Miracle Grow plant food, as well as regular conversation and a place in the sun, she has come back with a gorgeous green vengeance – now she is a massive lovely viney plant. I was going to give her back to Autumn but on the night of the move I realized that just wasn’t right, and Autumn understood it too. So Appdd is coming up to the front seat with me.

I need to find some Duane Wayne visors for my glasses.

today i drive from denver to salt lake city – mountains and desert. everyone keeps advising me to keep my gas tank no less than half full, drink lots of water, don’t stop often. the music from bruce springsteen’s badlands keeps flowing through my head. music is a hugely important part of a road trip, so we rearranged the car so i could have my cds right near me and every couple of hours rearrange what’s closest. we started out hip-hop but eventually had to come around to the big ballad sing-along type stuff: pat benatar took the cake for the day. Mariah Carey might get the dubious honor of getting played each day of the trip!

on the depth of moving level, i am feeling so excited and on the verge of tears all the time. i am leaving the closest knit little circle of folks, each of whom i am deeply in love with, and who i already miss. so much. but/and i feel totally and completely at peace the way i think you can only feel when you are fully engaged in the steps you are making. i don’t feel tossed around by life or stuck in anything, i feel like i used the reasoning and free will god lets me play-have to get myself here.

and from here to where i’m bout to go. i hate to requote, but f-it all, this lyric so suits my mood right now – u2’s walk on:

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring…
And love is not the easy thing…
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can’t leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it’s a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight…

You’re packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t deny it
Can’t sell it or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home…hard to know what it is if you never had one
Home…I can’t say where it is but I know I’m going home
That’s where the heart is

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind
You’ve got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme…