my yawp is actually barbaric


i sound horrific, when i try to sing it sounds like a barbaric yawp indeed.

lesson: when you are really sick on the inside, maybe hiking the hills and staying in a house full of animals which are lovely but to which you are allergic isn’t super number 1 best move?

after a marvelous sunday with shane in which i saw the pretty colors of california and decided it wasn’t pure madness to move here, i woke up monday with snot on my mind, painful throat, a that deep feeling of general malaise (which feels like never being able to move out of that other feeling – that just-before-a-sneeze feeling.) ick.

my body is in a low functioning state, and i am trying to think of ways to get it well before i travel on thursday. socializing en masse seems not to be the answer – laying in bed helps a bit but then i feel useless and start doing some work.

in other news – had a delightful evening last night. renna came up and cooked my sick ass a great and healthy dinner which stayed down, then we watched north country. i cried and gave charlize props. as someone who is generally anti-mining, it was deep to watch folks fight for the right to go in and have a fair chance to work in one. went to sleep fairly early, woke up only a few times to be sick, and had a delightful breakfast looking out over the water.

today, if miracles never cease, i will put on a well face long enough to get work done and move the rest of my belongings to my oakland abode, maybe catch the soccer game.

its the 4th of july, which means its celeste’s birthday. i remember when this was a day that i, as a military brat in department of defense schools in germany or the south, would be decked out as a patriot, excited about fireworks, hear the story of how white rebels had bested the damn british and the obstinate indians and come up with an idea of a nation, and here we were, defending it. deprogramming in full effect. everytime the 4th of july rolls around it makes me feel mournful. i think of how we tell ourselves the only thing we have to celebrate are lies and ideas – i think that keeps us from ever seeking the reality of being a nation worth being proud to be a part of. its a reminder of the promise, the before to this after, that we are in a dark ages. even fireworks, which are so gorgeous and amazing to me, are supposed to mimic bombs bursting in air…

i’ve never been slow at finding the pretty though, i will eek out something amazing about this day. it’s started off well, and i’m not a nationalist so this really doesn’t have much to do with me, not today. after all, germany will eliminate italy today. 🙂 there’s a world out there.