i don’t know if i should even say that title, is it audacious of me to think that this deeply in i might bust something out that makes your heads spin, my intimate little audience? i am just going to try to do something great.

let’s see…where can we go that we haven’t gone?

hmmm…

ok

i am ready to give up my cool, that’s part of this amazing post. i am ready to admit that:

i don’t know exactly what a members only jacket is!!!

in my life sometimes i have stumbled into cool – totally an accident, someone taking a liking to me or me picking the right pair of shoes or something and suddenly: cool.

a couple years ago, i picked this fresh little deep brown jacket off a thrift shop rack in albuquerque and it was so – unique and adorable. and  brown, which i love, der. and it fit just right.

then the first time i wore it, someone said, ‘Sweet! Members Only!’ i paused, wondering why someone would yell at me, especially a phrase antithetical to my life ideology. but everyone was saying it. i eventually chalked it up to the large windows of the 80s when i was in germany. a lot of things are chalked up to the 80s for me – when everyone knows the words to a song and i just know the tune? 80s. when everyone laughs about a reference to ‘Alf’? 80s.

i mostly forgot this "members only" mystery, then last night i was at jessamyn’s birthday party and her rommmate/wifey was wearing a black non-"members only" jacket and j’s bro walked in with what appeared to be, yes it was – a black Members Only jacket. wifey praised it, and i remembered – what the fuck is this Members Only jacket thing??

so this morning i am wearing my Members Only jacket, and i am looking it up on wikipedia! here goes…

wait for it…

hmm.

NO WAY. it really IS an 80s thing! check it:

"Members Only is a brand of clothing that became popular in
the 1980s for the "Members Only Jacket". While they made other
clothing, they were mostly known for their brand of jackets. They came
in many colors, including grey, black, white, and burgundy. Their tagline, "when you put it on something happens", also gained fame.

Today, the jacket is widely used as a static reference for outdated
apparel, as is shown in various television shows and other media. The
jacket is often fodder for sitcom jokes."

woulnd’t you know.

well there you go. my accidental cool moment is ACTUALLY fodder.

i am multi-tasking, and the other tasks are reading a grant proposal that is in excellent shape, getting directions for my weekend, and having a remarkably deep im conversation with a woman who is breaking through to a deeper level. it’s what can be called a mirror conversation, let me introduce this concept to you since i either came up with it or everyone else knows about it from the 80s…when someone is having a moment of such total emotional clarity that their words become a mirror in which everyone can see a truth for themselves.

the usual is more like a muddle – where folks wish wish they could see any truth, anywhere – but instead we get lonely cause nothing seems to apply, nothing comes close enough to our particular story.

on that note: last night i had an excellent talk with my dear dear friend daniel, and it reminded me that with dear dear friends all the conversation is never enough, there’s always whole other sheaths of material to present and deconstruct. icebergs, mountains, some sort of glorious visual that goes forever underneath it all and connects to everything – that’s what its like looking at a loved one. with all the little emotional cubbyholes where we sit hiding and shivering a bit like ‘i’m hiding, find me, stay away! come here already!!’

i am finding dear friends all over waiting for the long dark conversations, i am feeling so much more willing to be vulnerable – not the way i am here, but really in there.

now. i am off to listen to the ramones, another thing i am salvaging from the 80s! now i will admit that i suspect they are actually from that other period i have a hard time admitting i don’t know ALL about called Pre-Birth, but i am just going to associate them with my comfy blind spot. although i am amazed daily at how much of the crap that happened before i was even born that i am expected to know, chronologically, and with an analysis and all of that.

ok, that’s all for today, i think the members only experience is a perfect example of something that’s really just a short jacket. i’m here with my little truth waiting for a whole blooming jungle to come all around me and admit it’s beautiful. have a nice day!

oh, an example of good friendship:

(10:12:43) adrienne maree: i wrote u at gmail!
(10:12:59) Sofia: kewl
(10:13:35) adrienne maree: ick
(10:13:43) Sofia: what
(10:14:03) adrienne maree: that spelling is starting to gross me out
(10:14:14) Sofia: COOL