loving california

While I must admit I am excited to be in ny this weekend and see family,
see friends, I am Loving california. The weather, my life here, its
truly a delight. My friendships here get deeper daily, there’s an
intentionality to things here I really appreciate. I daresay I may get
homesick for the West when I next leave it.

I sat yesterday in a meeting of funders and organizers around environmental
justice, and it made clear again how much I don’t identify as a comunity
organizer. I organize, my brain is an organizing mind, but I lack the
patience I see so prevalent in these lovely people. My work, big vision
strategic work, is to make their work visible and fundable and fresh, to
ensure less repetition of failing models…but I have a great respect for
those who started somewhere, are driven to sit with a community for a lifetime, shifting. I am not from
a place other than the military, my counter-recruitment work is the
closest I come to bringing it home.

Lately my identity has been more and more clearly that of an artist – not just the singing, i’ve been drawing again, dancing again…I
love creation, I love weaving together the current iteration of all that has happened. I
love to organize what I see and learn into something beautiful.
i love to bend over backwards 7 times to make sure justice can flow to those with the most need. when i visit my family, and build with them over the issues that effect them, that effect me, i know my place is not with them.

Found poem:

Heard last night at a bar: "I was born in the sky, its funny to you but that’s my life."

Poem:

I was born in the sky

On the way

We aren’t where we began anymore any day

I haven’t had a country but

I know one makes you fight

I haven’t had a nation

But you who love borders love me

Boxes, histories – shared fantasies

Earlier today is a lie

I don’t even remember my birth

Its laughable

and! and – I might never find a pass,

A way to cross out of this place

Nebulous birth is that prison

There is only the ocean and the fire

And that long term desire

Called love

So, can we take a moment for how hard love is. All around me love is falling
apart, being tested. The shadow of the valley of death, that’s love,
moments before its realized. Nothing is worse than the anticipation of
loss – putting yourself on the line and being rejected. I have seen the
rejection on so many faces lately, its brutal, its so brave. The stories people tell themselves to get through it…I have one friend who keeps it so raw and real, it’s about not wanting to be alone anymore. It’s an edge, gets under your skin.
I am no where near the edge, i am nearly to the point of watching shadows on a cave wall and noticing patterns when it comes to that sort of engagement.

Well – I am in love…

I am in love with morningstar ‘sausage patties’. 2am snack? Circular
soy!

Safe and sound, downtown baby brown. i am devolving from lack of response!!

I know I have threatened this before but I am sooo tired of the one way dia-blog. If I don’t start getting some commentary I’m gonna quit the blog on my birthday and call it a day.

smooches

Author: Adrienne

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your uprising against the forces of darkness has got to do more than say "no." A fierce, primal yes should be at the heart of your crusade. (rob brezny, long ago)

3 thoughts on “loving california”

  1. I miss you and admire how much you are growing out in cali. I on the other hand seem to be regressing. I’m living at home and waiting for the International to get their shit together to send me to another state where I don’t know anyone. I’m kind of hanging on by a thread and your blog lifts my spirits. Don’t stop.
    xoxo – megs.

  2. I too am inspired by (what at least you successfully project as) your fearlessness, self-awareness, commitment to “the cause,” and unwillingness to settle. I constantly seek role models of strong women pursuing their dreams and refusing to compromise on the essential elements of their life. Please don’t stop posting- I would feel quite adrift!
    best,
    Liz

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