time all alone

i am having a weekend all to myself. it’s been a long time since i have done this – for all kinds of reasons including work, family, being in an incredibly amazing relationship…

i used to do this as a near spiritual practice. stock up on survival stuff and art supplies, and just spend the weekend to myself. in new york i would take the train to a neighborhood where i could go to fancy dinner alone.

i realize at times like this how easy it is to fall into a practice of defining yourself only as you are in relationship to others. which is good – to understand who you are as a point of reference in the whole world. its a right, responsible way to be.

but there is also something deeply true about being who you are outside of any context of others (as much as possible). on my own, in my liberated context, i find i am a pure creator.

in the past two days i wrote a sci-fi story, made 4 pieces of art, did my whole fall cleaning ritual (separate, tho perhaps next, blog entry), got acupuncture, walked around my neighborhood, sat in my yard, read some paulo coelho, and…did even more other stuff.

outside the context of others, i am so pleased with myself and my creations. i feel the satisfaction of being. that can become creativity, or spiritual awakening, or relaxing, or something productive, or something sensual, or something lost…the important thing is: it is my own.

i sometimes think that this one of the most important and overlooked human experiences, what keeps us from evolving. time apart, time all alone, to be who you are, to practice self, to be able to come into the world and be in relationship with others from your most aligned, true self.

even writing this to you now feels a bit like cheating myself some attention 🙂