I guess I am not at all enlightened.
I learned this past week that as of now my mind has no real control over my body or physical experience, and if my body has decided it needs to get rid of something, it will.
I went to see one of my families, in the backwoods of MN, and after one perfect day, found myself in the very humbling position of exorcising a demon I didn’t know I had ingested.
I misread the warnings: oh that’s just acid reflux. Oh I’m bloated.
Oh no no no child…it was the inspiration for Carrie, for Aliens. You know I never exaggerate…within hours I had tried to manifest having no stomach, no intestines, and no…well, just to be out of the misery.
Didn’t my body know this was my precious time with my niece and nephew?
Now I am reduced to bananas/broth, rice milk, applesauce and toast – the brat diet. In addition, I discovered Rehydration Drink in my sister’s book Where There Is No Doctor”. Awesome, simple enough I could make it in the airport (because yes, I had to travel in recovery) with pilfered salt and sugar packets.
I have been in a period of feeling how slender the film between human and divine experience is, and suddenly, I felt/feel so mortal.
Fortunately, the death pangs I felt the next day were simply muscle spasms, and now, if I don’t eat, I don’t throw up. Temporary solutions seem utterly wise in crisis.
My niece and nephew were fantastic, avoiding my vomit pail, only knocking over my water and broth occasionally, and still upholding their end of our special pre-christmas visit.
Now I have seen my portland family, minnesotan family, and my boston family – in every space I have been struck by how complex and beautiful the bonds of family are, and how unique and demanding and absolutely delightfully incredible children are if you can give them all you have.
Have to get south soon. But first, I am going to be a child again, and let my mom take care of me…its good for both of us.