releasing great expectations

i am almost two weeks into this journey, and realizing that one of the biggest pieces of work I need to do is in releasing expectations.

I have been longing for this trip as long as I can remember, or some variation of it. I’m not a backpacking couch surfer, but the idea of solo travel, time to reflect with unplanned, unstructured days stretching into months…I have hungered for it.

so as with most things in my life I have played out potential scenarios, selected the perfect ideal trip, and set up fairly massive expectations of myself and the world to deliver that trip, pronto.

letting go of my plans and the lists of things-I-must-do-when-in-“place” and actually being present to the people I am meeting, the places I am seeing – so much more is happening than I expected.

this may seem simple, but for me it is a hard piece of work. I can already see the deep relationship between all my daily expectations in life and my disappointment, hopelessness, exhaustion, self-deprecation. i am so busy most of the time trying to map out the future that i am tripping over my present, which is full of teachers, joy, surprises, and love.

i also notice, (and this is very small, very initial, so it may not quite make sense) my expectations are shifting from external to internal. I am starting to have greater expectations for how I show up and how present I am in my life, rather than how I want the world to yield me a great life.

my last observation for now is this: the clearer my sense of self and purpose, the less I feel burdened by expectations. without expectations, the present becomes more possible, the futures that can come liberated into multitudes.

this also feels like a blessing of not-knowing, and being at peace with that.

tomorrow I board a boat for the completely unknown, and I am open to what’s coming.

adding this because it’s on time (from real detroit weekly horoscopes):

‘You over-worry about how things are going to work out. Recent changes are so new you haven’t got your bearings. If you’ve settled in enough to meditate on what’s next, you know that it will be born out of what’s going on right now. Stay true to yourself and remember that life doesn’t have to be as hard as you make it.’