sugar shifting is hard.

i am nine days into this sugar shift and it is hard!

what gets me through it is taking pictures of myself looking cute to stay inspired.

the challenges include but are not limited to:

1. the mental game of wanting sugar. the physical cravings are done, but now i am alone in the gruesome battleground of my mind. i am in montreal, and if you know anything about me please know that i love french things: french food, french wine, the idea of frenchness, paris, dijon mustard, french words for food (i failed french utterly, yet i know that the french word for my favorite thing in this city is pain. pain au chocolat. that feels appropriate). so being in montreal and not having chocolat, steak frites, baguettes and croissants, cheese, jam, croque madame, etc? it is an act of great valor!

and it is not like i make the decision not to indulge and it’s all good. no, it’s constant. here is a sample of inner dialogue from my walk this morning:

what about this quiche?
what about that croissant?
how about just that cookie?
aren’t frites a vegetable?
nope. no potatoes. see, look at the list of forbidden foods you downloaded on the phone for precisely this moment. see?
hmph. well…one dessert? you’re in montreal!
no. then i will have to start over.
ok. ok fine. oh – pain au chocolat!
sigh. it does look good.
i think they just made it. that one on the end looks kind of melty?
yeah. it smells pretty aweso- hey wait a second! no! no.
no? forever ever?
for right now, no.

that is how i ended up here, now, in my hotel room with my pre-approved snacks, writing and writing and writing.

2. breaking out. i have massive situations all over my face as toxins work their way out of my body like aliens seeking sunlight. i look like a sullen teenager. luckily i have speeches to give and videos to record, so this phase of the cleanse can be captured for all time.

3. bathroom times. i am not going to say much about this other than…i am really changing the inner landscape of my body!

4. feeling like this whole thing is so self-indulgent. there is so much suffering in the world. is my journey with sugar really that big of a deal?

i am helping myself in this by looking at sugar as a global issue, as a tool for capitalist control over my communities. i think of the people who get sugar to me, and their working conditions, their lives.

i am also learning to see sugar as a counter to mindfulness and intentionality, personally and politically. it is an unregulated addictive substance. it creates a prison pattern for my body, a cage that decreases my capacity to be mobile, to be authentic, to be intimate, to have power.

i am on a front line in my body. the liberation i find beyond sugar opens up my relationship with the planet, with other humans, with my purpose in this world. transform myself to transform the world.

5. getting tired of the foods i am allowed to have. this doesn’t happen when i am home and able to cook and innovate a lot. but when i am on the road, it can start to feel like…fuck pecans.

and i love pecans!

so. tonight i am going to find a gorgeous steak and eat it with some vegetables.

send love.