a wondrous life

it all became better when i relinquished the perfect. it was never me, never made me happy, it never worked out the way i’d planned, it crashed flat shattered into the nearest wall. in the wreckage, there was no room for love.

it all became better when i centered on what is, the right now – the nothing-totally-wrong of right now. i am so selfish, so much more than i knew – i mean, i want to live so fully, right now. nothing in me wants to settle, even now.

it all became better when i learned about prayer, the offering up of burdens, the bright light of knowing what you cannot (now and never even want to try to) do. to instead say: life, protect life. extend yourself into her living body, give her more time.

it all became better when i accepted, surrendered, withdrew, got still, stopped playing for victory. i move more and more each day with the universe, spirals, waves. i cannot stop learning, faster and faster i say, welcome, welcome in/home.

it all became better when i understood how human i am after the womb, after the heartache in the womb. your hero knows nothing, your queen is a fool. no one is at ease here, we long for it. once i found ease, i made it my purpose. i am a student, forever, of this, my long and wondrous life.