in depth, outside of time

people often reflect to me that i am so busy these days. i do have a full life but i don’t experience my life as busy…i think what people are running up against is the challenge of living intentionally deep lives.

i was just out of the country for two weeks, and the trip was very different than i expected. i expected two weeks of beach and baby time. instead it was mostly deep time, which included times of transition, listening, growth, change…with a day of beaching at the end.

my life is mostly deep time. i am not interested in quick, light, surface encounters. when i travel, i look to return to places of depth, family, deep friendships…and then to actually give us enough time to really laugh and cry about how life is unfolding.

depth is more.

when i say no these days, it is usually in favor of deep time. it’s not that i am doing so much, or at least not too much, but rather that i am doing things deeply. this distinction feels important to me because i have been very busy before, but i wasn’t happy in it – felt like i couldn’t catch my breath, like i had no time to integrate all the humanity i was exposed to, no time to learn the lessons.

now i might say no because i need a day to integrate between things, or i need some time alone on the road, or time to write, edit, record, create, grieve, pray.

or i might say no because i am a morning sloth and am a better person if i don’t rush to meet others’ pace of a day.

i am writing this from deep inside of return trip jetlag, where i actually can’t track what time it even is now – there’s a time on the clock, a time in my body, a time in the place i call home, and times along the journey. in most places, i’d be asleep, and my body wants to sleep…but wasn’t i just asleep?

so. solo dance parties to keep my body moving, stretching, opening. photo shoots to see if i look as groggy as i feel. catching up on high speed wifi content i missed while on my journey. grieving for all the sacred spaces burning, under attack, changing. feeling so much. and more.

it’s a deep, deep time.