all hail shane

happy birthday shane!!!!!

last night was shane’s birthday party and we celebrated with red wine, tiramisu, and an impromptu dance party of inebriated joy! i have never seen the movie ‘camp’, but this song from it called "here’s where i am" really opened up the floodgates. i will not recap all the details of the marvelous evening, suffice it to say that i am still beaming. and that the dancing was so off the hook and grindy that i had my first all out bout of penis envy. freud, you dirty old man – how did you know?!

talked to the heartbreaker yesterday – i’ve realized he’s become like a second bloody cycle in my life. once a month i ache and ache and no medicine can numb me, need for him bleeds me and the knowledge that he can in NO WAY be what i need does not have an effect on the fact that in most ways i still want him more than anything. still – though the torture is no less intense, it is less often.

but back to real life. in real life i eat breath and sleep this conference i am planning, this amazing trip i am taking for the month of august in which i will work tons and see both my sisters and grandparents – i haven’t seen my grandfather since his heart attack. and my grandmother has been having a moment, as her man had the heart attack and is a stubborn healer, and her mother, my great grandmother, has alzheimer’s and bouts of dimensia. we all got to be together once, four generations of women driving my great grandmother around – she was like who is that girl? lol – there’s too much to remember in the world to pay much mind to a colored great granddaughter. but she is spunky, and my grandmother is fierce and takes care of business – matriarch, selfless, ambitious. and my grandfather is falling for a new jesus, the jesus of the poor. i can’t want to see them all. and my roommate for all for years of college is getting married to the man i advocated for! august promises delights.

but why am i on that tangent?

the REAL news is that i meet for coffee with the voyeur/photographer on friday to discuss the possibilities of me as a subject. this is in direct opposition to my inner truth that i am not photogenic!

no the REAL news is i am meeting with a publishing house tomorrow afternoon about a book project!

no the REAL REAL news is Dani’s Eminent Return occurs on saturday morning.

and keep in mind, all of this is to keep my mind, just for today, off of the real real real news, cause i already have one broken heart for the summer, and bombay is under water…