i was unable

y’all it just never gets any less good. gooder. badder. whateva

i had breakfast with my girl this morning, and when her job called to see when she was coming she said – "i was going to be there at 9:30, but i was unable." and that was it.

thats how i feel in life right now – i was gonna be good, but i was unable.

but i have done all i WAS able to do…indeed, check my frighteningly accurate horoscope:

When planets line up in your 12th house of secrets and the unknown, no one
is comfortable, least of all you. Virgo, more than anyone else on the
planet, needs to know the lay of the land before you’ll feel
comfortable taking action. Well, you’re in limbo land right now, with
your fate in the hands of others, awaiting the outcome on pins and
needles. Breathe. Be still. Practice meditation. Go out into nature and
become One with it. There’s nothing you can do now anyway. The time for
doing was back then, when you were preparing for this moment. You’ve
done what you can do. The moment will be here before you know it. When
you think of nothing else, it seems as though time is standing still.
One thing’s for sure: Your future sure looks bright.

how is one supposed to meditate with this schedule of mine?? listen, the weekend in a nutshell:

– on friday i spent a long time thinking about the fact that people don’t improve on a political level or even a behavioral level. it happens in the heart and the super structure. as i think further on this i will share…
– i took the peerless shane to dinner to celebrate his birth. he is really unprecedented, specially when he decides to break off the truth for you. we acknowledged that though it took a while to get there, we really had love at first sight some 9 years ago on the steps of columbia when we met as freshmen and he said he was a third year med student and i believed him. liar. but marvelous!
– between two people i adore, love was confessed, professed, love songs came to light.
– someone who i love more than chocolate (whose love is better than ice cream and more valuable to me) and thought wouldn’t look at me not only looked but smiled at me and it made me know that things will somehow be ok.
– people took off they panties in the street
– scarface played with all the cursewords under the stars – for all the alkies in the house: ‘your womb is pollooooooded!"
– and did you know habana outpost is solar powered? i am at the zenith of my social pleasure in a location…we spent the whole weekend basically sitting there eating ice cream and watching people look amazing. i would go home and work, then come back. i’ve never had this experience before actually – a solid community, neighbors, regulars, the whole thing. its amazing. my army brat heart is so surprised and pleased by it.
– vancouver was in the house in the form of my girl sarah who i was so happy to see that i gave her a kangol! hurray for canada, y’all
– we invited ryan gosling for fried chicken and jen hugged all over him. i think we have rectified the massive error of our collective ways vis a vis the last 20 minutes of his film which we shouldn’t have ever mentioned to him.
– we stared at jeffrey wright and folks tried to make me the sacrificial lamb to make a fool in front of him and i said hell no. he biked off on a bike with a baby holder on the back and we became jeffrey shaped puddles on the cement!!! but just before that sofia went over and said to him "thank you for belize" and bowed. and what do we give her? two snaps up!
– a certain crush was confirmed as being a two way street. its between the two most beautiful people ever so its truly a joy to watch them both tortured through the pleasure of it all
– i thought of this beautiful person i am getting to know who keeps literally going in my head and pulling my card and reading it to me by whispering it in my ear and laughing. meet me in the middle my sweet.

and then this morning that same person called me. and i wrote a letter that was honest and felt good that at least i am honest. and i think that may be it for today y’all…