heading east

i am smiling in the airport, so i thought i would try to blog this moment.

i turned 30 this year, lots of drama, tragedy, checking out, checking in, messing up, learning to do better, learning to appreciate the smaller steps, all of that.

just had brunch and did the farmer’s market with my sweet dear friend dani, who is finally moving to the bay for her california stint. and seeing cali thru her eyes is making me like it again. we talked a lot about healing, time, and patterns – how as we get older, life does get more tragic…or at least we get more aware of the tragedies. we start to see people around us settle quietly, and that’s a tragedy of it’s own. so it feels good to reach the end of another year and still be figuring it out, pursuing the ideal, protecting the fierce parts of ourselves.

i just checked a suitcase full of dirty clothes all the way thru to boston like a college kid, and i have 2 good magazines and 2 books and my journal for this trip, a charged ipod, and all the really hard trying work on my to-do list got done. there’s some writing to do, some tasks, but nothing devious to do right now. i can actually be present with my family. we need that.

its gonna be snow everywhere i go – i feel like i am leaving oakland to see loved ones and also to get my hibernation time.

there’s two mothers in front of me with little kids – and their kids are soooo cute and sooo wildin’ out. and this may sound odd, but i feel good about where i am as a mama with the baby thing. i LOVE being an aunt, and i LOVE not being a mama yet. not even tempted.

i feel good about the state of my little cave in oakland – this year i got a bed that’s off the floor, and a real bookcase, i let go of the egg crates i’ve had since college.

i feel great about ruckus – the journey continues to blow my mind and teach me that its easy to talk, to have an analysis and critique, to have a hope/dream/vision…its harder to act right.

here’s something weird – my sister got married this year in this chapel:

why is it online with a real time camera?

anyway, this is a ramble, my plane is boarding. yay vacation!