offering bliss to chaos

i never know i need my heart broken
until the flesh begins to flake
falter crack and crumble
under the weight of what i knew as love
my soft volcano center
rumbling, inflamed with discontent

it took a whole year to say no
to the final pound
i wanted to meld it into my left thigh, you see
i wanted to make your pain mine
i thought, if anyone can carry it
it’s my ego

thank you goddess
for breaking me apart

i never know my flame needs tending
until i am ashen and coal
wrung of every drop
until a storm enters my front door
eyes of lightning
flashing across my surface

it took a whole year to say yes
to the hurricane within
i wanted to hold it in my throat
sing it into a soprano indulgence
i thought, if anyone can hold me
i’ll become a river

thank you goddess
for sending me devotees of joy

i never know my soul needs growth
until the future whispers against my spine
i have more for you to do
until the sunrise finds me sober
protagonists dancing around my bed
spells gathering in corners

it took a whole year to quiet down
my defenses, my desperate prayers
to realize the bind was loose
and i was a songbird on a new wind
i am learning to trust the solitude
and each of my angels

thank you goddess
for all your wisdom faces