go spurs

Just watched the lakers get shut down by the spurs, how wonderful!! You learn so much about teamwork watching this stuff…steve holding the team together while kobe tries to blaze out on his own and call his team inexperienced and young. Steve never saysthe word I after the game, always we – he has mad assists and those make the difference in the playoffs, in anything. Perfect for the direction I’m moving in 🙂

Watched it with my dad and sisters and we were all hooked. Family time, I know it is my great privilege. We got mad love.

In terms of my search for my roots, the whole family is on the case. We’ve got scottish, irish, lots of german in a surprise twist (I grew up there on army bases in budingen, mannheim and bamberg) on my mom’s side. We have our own tartan and crest! My sistergot her aura read and they said we have moroccan royal blood. We have a family reunion coming up end of june for the South Carolina Browns and I think I have to go and see. We’re open to DNA testing as well. Am I geeked? Oh yes…

Now here I am, no computer 4 three days, by a lake where there’s crickets and frogs, with my beloved family.

Smile on it!

getting un-numbified

ok ok ok

i was feeling a bit numb and overwhelmed by everything i had to do to make a good transition from ny to cali, league to ruckus, now to then. and then i heard ‘unspeakable joy’ by kim english and got my soul right!!

lol – well not exactly that, but download the osio club mix and dance around your room, thats like my theme song, cuz every time i get stuck, i have to go inside and pull it out, that joy thing. even my therapist has joy in her name!

a good teacher told me that a great master in any realm falls off balance as much as anyone else, but she is more expert at recentering herself, until from the outside you can’t even see a moment of wavering. for me its truth and reconciliation – the truth is i have a whole lot to do, and all of it is stuff i manifested and wanted. i can balance in that.

it also helps that the League has hired a communications director and he really really knows what the hell he is doing and is going to take what i was trying to do into the realm of the real and the fabulous, beyond what i could have even dreamed.

so now i can think about going to california!

what follows is all hella random:

is it wrong to say that sometimes when i walk around, particularly in chelsea, i kind of wish i was a hottie gay guy with a great ass in torn jeans with a mohawk? and that given the reality that the men i am closest to in life are gay, bi-, or remarkably metro, and i keep trying to cut my hair into at least a faux hawk, and my ass…well, hee hee…anyway, i hate the term fag hag, but i love the idea of being a fabulous queen. does this whole paragraph just gain me a perma-membership in the ignoramus-of-the-day club?

a blip of amb wisdom: i overheard a woman on a phone on 14th street saying, "i mean, yes he has been an asshole, but he says he’s going to change those things. give him a chance." i wanted to grab the phone from her, and tell her friend – he’ll never change. either love that shit in front of you or gets ta steppin {as oprah would say}. instead of that dramatic and potentially dangerous move, i made a note to self to yell that to myself if ever in another situation with a ‘fixer-upper’ – that really just means a mismatch, so moveon. AMEN.

also, its official, i hate interventions! i walked into one last night by accident and they just really aren’t my thing, unless its the last resort. in which case, it should be done at a resort over massages and margeritas! 

i am going to live in a yurt for june! it has a wood floor and a sunroof! i think i am heading into the extreme simplification phase of my life. i want a bed and my books and not too much more than that. those who have been to my house know this is a big shift!

trader joe’s in new york feels weird. but not weird enough to keep me from buying pecan praline granola, which is like the best in the world!

spring is great for layering. layering is my favorite way to dress. i noticed today that my style was looking like a 30 year old more than a 20 year old. i can only hope elegance triumphs over the frump to which i am drawn.

ok, two other blogs to do – i am the guest blogger for the drum major institute this week – www.dmiblog.net, as well as www.indyvoter.org. chale-ho! 

what i learned in ny

by no means a complete list, but it occurred to me that i might start compiling what i’ve learned in new york these ten years…

in no particular order…

– the importance of dancing as if you are all alone, and dancing often when you are all alone, preferably nude and to music you don’t need the world to know you love
– deep close friendships come in phases that are best suited to what you need at the time.
– the depth is something to be grateful for, the sooner you accept the phases and the fact that the depth can remain when the proximity shifts, the more peaceful you will be, and the better you can express present needs
– how to eat kim chee, enchiladas, sushi, pad thai, and basically everything that goes beyond chicken and rice and spaghetti (naw my mom cooked more than that {i can’t forget salmon croquettes!}{i should also give a shout out to dominos pizzas on friday nigths when we were stateside – mmmm}{dominos has not held up the mmm-factor over the years}. but on the real my dad isn’t into spicy anything…in a suprise break from my genes, i love spicy everything!)
– love hurts
– it makes absolute sense to be drawn to this place, and to leave it. every time.
– if you look for it, beautiful or horrible human interactions are happening all the time.

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– everyone has one or more struggles to combat in this lifetime. some take so much from you that interacting with the world is beyond your capacity – ny is a good place to come and find people, or  to disappear.
– if you aren’t aware of your struggle, and aren’t part of working for solutions, then you are part of the problem and chances are you will have to keep coming back into the madness of life until you get it right
– a little convenient space close to your friends and good food is priceless
– there’s no such thing as a good/fair landlord, but if you look at landlords as a source of great humor, they are a perfect species.
– the world functions on multiple planes – cockroaches, mice, millionaires, babies, pit bulls, homeless folk, mamas, models and you are all right there, coexisting, all the time
– everyone does that walk, where you pretend the whole world is checkin out your entire get-up with snooty approval and those in the know know you’re on point. one hand on your bag, extra pop thru the hips, lips pursed, cheeks haughty, eyes slit behind sweet aviators. or not. either way its one of those days and you look just right for it. everyone does it. its just more fun to do this here than anywhere else in the country.
– you can exist in new york without ever ever going to the upper east side
– spring might just be heaven
– tho we will definitely turn our heads and tell folks about it later, famous people ain’t nothin special.
– befriending everyone at your local bodega and becoming a regular at several local restaurants are necessary to feeling at home.
– if you’ve loved here, the city is your extended memory
– ipods specifically have improved public transportation experiences (see point one)
– everything is better if someone you love refers it: restaurants, organizations, music stores, tattoo/piercing parlors, bars, dance nights, quiet places, museum exhibits, weed guys, apartments…everything…

ok surely more to come but that was in my head.

also this lyric:

‘oh no baby don’t let them lead you astray
its not your place
what you’re missing cannot be replaced’

what does that even mean? it came to me like almost all lyrics do, as a snippet with a melody for me to jot down and tuck away and develop for a future album, when album making begins…this year!?

i spent the weekend running around trying to fit in a march, conference, bbq, meeting, chilling, editing, writing an article, and avoiding parties. after saying yes to multiple parties friday night and bowing out of all of them, i was vindicated by the calls on saturday from no less than seven people who had ‘gotten tore up’ and ‘made a fool’ of themselves. i would say those days are behind me, but i fall down stone cold sober.

like a stone cold fox.

and what.

today was the first day of a three day meeting on the super exciting future 5000 project. its movin right along, its amazing to watch visions and dreams turn into plans and results; to let go of what hasn’t worked up till now to make space for what could be better than anything we’ve ever done.

it was also exciting because it was my first day with the league’s new communications director! unloading the story of the league and the landscape of the job is such a relief and kind of mindblowing, thinking of what we’ve done.

i’m also going to write about may day, a day without immigrants, but i’ll do it on the indyvoter blog! 🙂

all my love!